Building Confidence, Expressing Love, and Valuing Friendships: A Conversation on Choosing Happiness

Teevee (00:00:00) - All right. So welcome to The Teevee Show Podcast where it's cool to make mistakes and make do pump fakes because you can always do it again. Like he just he didn't you did you catch this? Was that recorded? He said, it's a good thing that I like talking to you. Yes, we can keep doing this. Yes, exactly. I definitely thanked him for being here last time. That that that posting and that show has done really well with people in terms of how they felt about it, what they got out of it and how they saw us as individuals having a conversation. Two guys. Yeah.

Christopher Sam (00:00:33) - And really thank you all for the feedback. Yes, I received a lot of feedback on how you all loved our engagement and this is just how we talk regularly. And I think I shared some of the compliments or some of the messages that I received that, you know, people are really like, Hey, you guys are dropping some gems or interesting way of processing this interesting perspective.

Christopher Sam (00:00:54) - And some people even said, Hey, thank you for sharing these toolset because it's helping me process some of the things that's going on in my own life. And I thought that was just wonderful to to receive.

Teevee (00:01:05) - So and as as a host of this show of and just frankly, as my life, the way I live it, I try to share stuff to help people. And maybe my stories, my experiences can help others. So knowing and hearing that makes me feel incredibly happy. I'm going there. We'll tell you in a second where we're going with that. Yo, no, wait for it. It makes me incredibly happy because although he and I can have these conversations in public and public and private and we do, we enjoy each other's conversations. We enjoy each other's company, and we go in on all topics, all types of topics, all types of subjects, and we never know where it's going to go. Um, when we have the time recently, it's not as much time as we would like.

Teevee (00:01:52) - But having said that, knowing that some people are truly gaining some benefit from it because we are pragmatic in many ways. We have like these processes that we've been able to figure out, um, makes me happy. So thank you for that. But one of the other topics that we touched on because he was paying me a compliment. So you want to talk about that? Yeah. You were giving me some roses and I was just receiving them so happily I was like, Yes, yes.

Christopher Sam (00:02:20) - So the compliments, right? Um, the thing about compliments is and we do this quite often and just in the world is just humbly receiving them, right? And especially, you know, being black, like, you know, you pay somebody a compliment. Hey, bro, I'm just trying to be like you. King. Yeah.

Teevee (00:02:37) - No, man, I just trying to be the man next to the man.

Christopher Sam (00:02:39) - Yeah. Come on, man. You ain't got say that, you know? So.

Teevee (00:02:42) - Like, we just.

Christopher Sam (00:02:43) - It's now it's a very lovely dance of communal expression, communal love. Um, but I know I found myself when I pay compliments to people and they say, you know, like, Oh, I think the offer looks really lovely on you or like, what you do with your nails or whatever. Like if I'm paying a compliment or a brother, I think that you really killed whatever you're doing, whether it's like a dance or maybe project at work or something in some performance, some aspect or, Hey, thank you for really helped me. Oh, man. You know, it's not much. It's just something I thought and it really takes away from the accolades I'm trying to give somebody and I've done this as well in the past, somebody would tell me, you know, Oh, you know, you are great in X, Y, and Z way. I'm like, Oh, thank you, but whatever, right? And I didn't like the way that when I would give compliments to somebody, they would do that because it would kind of diminish what I gave them.

Christopher Sam (00:03:36) - And I realized, hold on, but I do the same thing. So how does the sender that I'm receiving feel? So now whenever somebody pays me a compliment, I just thank you. Yeah, I just receive it and just thank you. Thank you for paying me that and that practice alone to just shut up. Receive.

Teevee (00:03:55) - Yeah.

Christopher Sam (00:03:56) - Oh it's just. Just basking it, you know, there's no need to regurgitate another compliment. Just. Thank you.

Teevee (00:04:02) - Thank you. Years ago. It's something that I'm so. It's something that I'm not really good at. I can't help but want to regurgitate. Um. What am I trying to say here? Reciprocate? Yes. Reciprocate it. Which is fine. If you have something to say that is beneficial. That is true. That is real. But in many cases, aside from that, I'm really bad about deflecting. Um, and it's only like he was paying me a compliment in the previous, like a really serious one. I was like, Oh my God.

Teevee (00:04:37) - And I was like just antsy here in the chair. But and I think he saw it. I think, you know, like, Oh, yes, sir. So you get the hives because it has to be really intentional for me to shut the fuck up and just receive it for whatever reason. It's challenging and it's something I try to do now and it goes back. I remember the specific. Big moment when I was in the story I was telling earlier. I was at a marketing event many years ago. It was the first one I was ever at. I'd never done anything like that. And. There was this moment where somebody was paying me a compliment and offering even above that. Give me some money here or there to pay for some training. And a friend of mine who I met there and got to be really close with, she was actually a guest on the podcast a few few months ago. She said to me, she said, Teevee. Stop and let people give. Give people the gift of giving.

Teevee (00:05:39) - Receive it. Truly receive it. Don't shut people down because you're trying to be humble or you're trying to be humble, I guess would be the best word. And you end up deflecting because now you're going to make the other person feel like give people the gift of receiving and it just hit home. So something that I'm intentionally practicing this is 12 years later. And so anyways, if you ever struggle with that, do make it a point to check yourself and at the very least just say thank you. Just let them give you that gift of a nice little compliment of receiving the roses. So thank you for the bouquet earlier. Yeah, thank you. It's back there somewhere.

Christopher Sam (00:06:18) - So somewhere way back there.

Teevee (00:06:21) - And from that we moved on to and I share. I'll share this with you. I need to just talk as if that never happened. Like right here I am. I'm sitting in the past or a little irritated, but you know what? Here we are.

Christopher Sam (00:06:37) - But that's part of the work.

Teevee (00:06:39) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. One of the things I challenged Mr. Christopher Sam with is when he comes on the show to that, we're going to have conversations. This is not going to be an interview style type of thing. But when he comes in addition to that, to also come with a topic, a question, anything to help create something new so that we're both contributing since he's going to be a regular guest. And then I hit him with this. Christopher. Mr. Sam, senior editor, orderly. We know mummies. I like it in English.

Christopher Sam (00:07:18) - Yes, sir.

Teevee (00:07:19) - What is your secret to happiness? Make sure we're recording. Hold on.

Christopher Sam (00:07:25) - Yeah, Let's make sure we're recording this time. Because I was like, Damn, you going to hit me with that big existential question right off the bat? Yes. Geez, Louise.

Teevee (00:07:33) - I want this. I feel like. Yeah, between the both of us, we have some things that I think for the most part, we live pretty happy lives.

Teevee (00:07:41) - So I was curious what your take was and then compare notes with what I the way I approach my life.

Christopher Sam (00:07:48) - So. I'm going to start off by saying this. Will Smith once said today was a good day, right? It was a good day.

Teevee (00:08:03) - Today was a good day. Yeah. Today's a good.

Christopher Sam (00:08:05) - Day. Fuck around, String a lot of good days together. You have a good life, right? So to me, happiness is the choice that you make. Happiness is a choice. And I have chosen to make my happiness very cheap. So I can always afford it. Yeah. Right. And we've had conversations like this in the past, and I think you created a graphic of this.

Teevee (00:08:27) - I did. Because that was. That was such a dope ass line. I my chat, my happiness, my happiness is cheap. I make my happiness cheap so I can afford it. I like damn. And I designed a sketch. I put together a sketch around that and try to illustrate them because that is so powerful.

Teevee (00:08:49) - Happiness is actually really cheap. It's internal, it's not external. Externally, you buy things and no matter what you buy, it still doesn't mean that you're going to be happy because you're still have your shit that you may or may not have dealt with. So it's an internal decision in many cases. Carry on.

Christopher Sam (00:09:07) - So being a bit more descriptive of what that means to me is I try to conduct my internal state in a way that I'm always choosing what makes me happy. That does not mean I'm always picking the easiest route because sometimes, let's say I want to get in shape. Well, that means I got to work out and maybe I don't like working out, but I have to allow myself to fall in love with the journey so I can get the result that I did. I desire. And if I can fall in love with the journey and just make that habitual, and a lot of people will say, Hey, Chris, you have a lot of discipline. I don't. Thank you.

Christopher Sam (00:09:46) - Thank you.

Teevee (00:09:47) - I see what you do.

Christopher Sam (00:09:48) - Yeah, thank you. But I'm really just making micro adjustments. I'm making small choices that lead me towards the direction of happiness. And there's a good book I read by a man named Sam Parker called The 12th Degree. I highly recommend it. We're not sponsored, but please sponsor us. Um.

Teevee (00:10:07) - We are open to some sponsorship.

Christopher Sam (00:10:10) - Um, and the whole, the whole premise of the book is this at 211 degrees, water is boiling. Oh, I.

Teevee (00:10:16) - Know this premise. Okay. Yes.

Christopher Sam (00:10:17) - Yeah. Because, I mean.

Teevee (00:10:18) - Yeah, yeah.

Christopher Sam (00:10:19) - Yeah. Um, but at 212 degrees, water is boiling and and produces steam. And with steam, you can power a train and it's just going one degree extra. So how many things when I evaluate an audit in my life, am I just going at 211? Right. And if I just turned it up one more notch, how would that drastically change the vector of my life in terms of happiness? So I try to make those decisions from an internal perspective, from a physical perspective, emotional perspective.

Christopher Sam (00:10:50) - And as you mentioned with the council, just my group of friends discussing different things with them helps me superimpose their many years of experience and insights upon my own life.

Teevee (00:11:01) - I like that.

Christopher Sam (00:11:01) - Man well, because you.

Teevee (00:11:03) - Years of experience.

Christopher Sam (00:11:04) - You do. You do. You got a point of view. You have many years of great experience. You do. You do.

Teevee (00:11:08) - Truth to this.

Christopher Sam (00:11:09) - Statement. There's a lot of truth. So so for me, happiness comes down to peace of mind. And I guard that and I protect that. It's a very sacred space to me and. Yeah. I try not to let anything or anyone fuck with that. Because nobody's going to love you as much as you love yourself. So if you don't love your peace of mind and you're always allowing things to come and throw you awry, the world is going to give you trouble. It's going to give you stuff. It's like, What is that Rocky movie? It's not how hard it's.

Teevee (00:11:41) - Going to punch you.

Christopher Sam (00:11:42) - He's going to punch you in the face.

Teevee (00:11:44) - And then it's not about how hard the world punches, how hard or how you fast. You get up something like that. Right. How about you punch back? Something to that effect. Is that good? Make sure it was done here.

Christopher Sam (00:11:55) - It was terrible. But I like the effort. It's not about how hard the world hits you or how hard you hit back. It's how much you can take.

Teevee (00:12:03) - Oh, yeah, Yeah, that.

Christopher Sam (00:12:05) - Yes, That was close. You were close by, like, three miles. But carry on.

Teevee (00:12:11) - I think that's it, though. I. I agree. I live a pretty happy life. And for the most part, I've been there for many years because I really try to control what I can control. Uh, anything I cannot control. I cannot control the weather. So if it's raining, I don't get pissed off at the weather because it's raining and it's not convenient for me. If traffic is screwed up, I don't get mad at traffic because I cannot control the traffic.

Teevee (00:12:40) - Yeah. So I look at the things that I can control and turn those knobs as much as I can and those knobs in my life I have. And I ensure that by doing so, it gives me peace of mind because happiness is a choice. And if you can control those things and all things being equal and you've done the work and you're able to pay your bills, you're able to have some clothes, you're able to eat, truthfully, that's that should get most people to happiness. Anything outside of that or like or if I want a brand new car, I'm working towards it through the process to ensure that maybe that gives me a better transportation for me to be. But will it make me happy? Probably not. Um, and then I control the things that come into my my space actually received a message from somebody in the dance community, a good friend. And he said. Something that I'm impressed with you with that I've now noticed I'm extremely impressed with. And like, I'm chopping up his exact words, I suck at this.

Teevee (00:13:47) - Um, but I am impressed with how you were able to keep yourself out of stuff.

Christopher Sam (00:13:54) - Oh, God.

Teevee (00:13:58) - Being in the dance community long enough. And this is any community. Every community. When there's people involved, drama follows. You put more than two people in a room. There's going to be drama, there's going to be politics, there's going to be issues. And I've chosen in my life and I used to run an event consistently, used.

Christopher Sam (00:14:15) - To run an amazing event, and has helped grow the dance community across the United States. Wow. So, anyway, thank you.

Teevee (00:14:22) - Thank you.

Christopher Sam (00:14:23) - A United States united us of. Hey. Wow. I did that. You need.

Teevee (00:14:26) - Help. Do that. Help do that. Yo. So anyways, but.

Christopher Sam (00:14:31) - I mean, you have courses to help people, right? Do this. I.

Teevee (00:14:35) - I made it a point throughout to keep my peace of mind and keep stay out of things that. I could not directly control or really didn't need me in them.

Teevee (00:14:48) - The the players that were already in that game were playing the game. I didn't want to be a part of that game and in doing so, maintain my peace of mind. And it's not to say that I didn't stress, but that was the stress that I chose by hosting events. And this is just one example, but it was him complimenting me and kind of giving me kudos for that made me feel good because the stuff is happening all the time. And you have to. I think of my good friend Mark Manson is a mark Manson on the subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Christopher Sam (00:15:17) - I know the name.

Teevee (00:15:17) - I don't think it's there, but, um, is essentially, I tried not to give a fuck about things that don't matter and I the things that matter. Then I give a lot of fucks about and I'll step up to the plate and I'll do what I have to do. But is keeping control keep it in mind which you can control in my life with my children.

Christopher Sam (00:15:40) - Amazing daughters.

Christopher Sam (00:15:41) - I'm going to say that every time you bring them. I see that.

Teevee (00:15:44) - With my relationship. Amazing business.

Christopher Sam (00:15:47) - Amazing business.

Teevee (00:15:49) - I have clients. That are paying me well and they are my little bosses. I have a handful of them, but those are stresses that I've taken on and those it doesn't diminish my happiness. But the point of all that is to say I choose to really focus on what I can control and that which I cannot literally cannot. I don't, I don't it's just not a part of my daily processing. So therefore I tend to have a really happy life. And I know that sounds corny, but it's so true. I've been saying that for years and then I have great friends that I'm surrounded by. Like, I think a lot of people insist on having friends that no longer, like suit them, like they've grown apart, but yet somehow they still insist on maintain the connection, if that makes any sense. And they stress them out and they're a burden and they're not showing up for them in their lives in a way that actually benefits them and they're miserable.

Teevee (00:16:56) - So why would you do that to yourself? But anyways, you were going to say something.

Christopher Sam (00:17:00) - No, I was enjoying I was enjoying because I'm learning as well. Right. And like I said, these are conversations, but something you touched on that resonates with me deeply. Same sentiment said differently is whatever is it within my sphere of influence? I can influence anything that's outside of my sphere of influence. I can't. So I got to roll with the punches to the nature of that degree. But it's like a martial artist. Or let's say if I were to draw a circle, everything within that circle I can control. Yeah, basically within here or like my legs reach or whatever, my bad, right? I can, I can directly influence but things that are outside of that I can't. So if something's happening that maybe I don't like or is going to affect me negatively, okay, I can't change the fact that that thing happened, but I can change how responsive I am to it because the response is in my sphere of influence.

Christopher Sam (00:17:58) - Yes, right. Like Covid. I can't I can't do anything.

Teevee (00:18:02) - About the most inconvenient thing in my life.

Christopher Sam (00:18:05) - Right. But I can choose my response to Covid, how I'm going to handle quarantine, how I'm going to handle things right. Am I going to just sit here? Am I going to try and learn new skills or am I going to, you know, what's going to bring me joy, Right. You know, and lean in towards that joy because that makes me happy. Connecting with friends, connecting with people, connecting with my hobbies, peace of mind, peace of mind. Because the the storm life will throw storms at you, but it's remaining calm. And what is that?

Teevee (00:18:36) - It's still full of metaphors. I know you should be a poet.

Christopher Sam (00:18:39) - Actually.

Teevee (00:18:40) - Spit poets spit.

Christopher Sam (00:18:43) - Fire. But. But yeah, yeah. So. So to answer your question, my secret to happiness is just understanding what I can control.

Teevee (00:18:51) - Would you say you're happy? Yes.

Christopher Sam (00:18:53) - But I would say happiness is a spectrum because.

Christopher Sam (00:18:58) - So I used to think happiness, man. I'm always at my highest. No, because I'm up and down, up and down. But the average of it, I am 51% up. Then I'm down because I have down moments. I get depressed, I have anxiety, all these things, right? We talk, but how do I deal with it and how do I bounce back? Because it's it's I don't think getting hit is a problem. I don't think getting depressed is an issue. It's how quickly can you bounce back? How how resilient are you athletes, Right. They hurt themselves. Okay. They hurt. Everybody gets hurt, especially in a physical sport. But how quickly can you heal, speed up your convalescence and come back out and be more effective? So for me, it's understanding that process for myself and having a great system in place that will speed up, right? So I don't I don't mind being hurt because I know it's not going to break me because if I can't fix myself, I have a great network of people who will, right? And if I didn't have that and it's all on me, it's going to take a little bit longer.

Christopher Sam (00:20:00) - And if I didn't have the tools to do that for me, then I'm going to stay in that dark place for an even longer period of time, which is why stuff like therapy is also great. So shout out to people who go to therapy. Thank you. You're welcome. You feel seen?

Teevee (00:20:15) - I'm trying to take the compliments.

Christopher Sam (00:20:19) - Are you doing great. Um, so that's that. That's. That's my secret. It's not really a secret. It's just I make the choice to be happy, and I make the choice to just. Yeah, I don't want to belabor this point, but, yeah, I just make the choice.

Teevee (00:20:32) - I think when in moments when you're not happy, just find out specifically what's making you unhappy. Decide if it's in your sphere of influence. Decide if it's just a reaction to something that you cannot control. Yeah. And then make changes. Subtle changes. Long term changes. Yeah. You're not. You're not happy because. Your weight. I was starting to become a little overweight during Covid.

Teevee (00:20:56) - Um, and I and for me, I wasn't doing anything. Obviously, a lot of us weren't doing anything like, Damn it! What can I do to start making it better? Like, damn, I have a choice. I do have a choice. I can still go out and walk and do certain things. I started doing a little things here and there that now have become somewhat of a habit to start maintaining that because I'm also getting older. So I need to make sure that I'm staying on top of it because I'll be damned if I just fall apart as I get older without any intentional, deliberate practice. So knowing that I can control little things to ensure that my happiness is on an average. Yeah, I'm not euphoric. I can be euphoria, but I'm not euphoric all the time and always are.

Christopher Sam (00:21:38) - It's almost like a Buddhist principle of non-attachment, right? You know, it's like that.

Teevee (00:21:43) - Is exactly what.

Christopher Sam (00:21:44) - Good or bad, I'm going to make sure I'm at peace and.

Teevee (00:21:47) - I'm going to do what I can with that.

Teevee (00:21:49) - This good thing that's coming and make adjustments and then maintain manage it.

Christopher Sam (00:21:54) - Oh, even said better. It's like chess, right? You could be in a horrible predicament but what's my next best move? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And be content with your next best move. But jump forward. You're moving forward. But jumping off that with how your intention and and taking compliments. Oh, do I need to be closer? Just a little.

Teevee (00:22:12) - Bit. Okay. We might be getting out of the frame a little.

Christopher Sam (00:22:14) - I'm very animated. Um, you are a phenomenal father. Brother? Oh.

Teevee (00:22:21) - Like, where are you going with this?

Christopher Sam (00:22:22) - No, no, no. So. So, man, like, I hope you bring your daughters on this thing one of these days. They are.

Teevee (00:22:29) - I I've recorded one with Fey. It'll be airing in the next week or two. Oh, okay. And I've recorded one with Anna after a summer break year. Okay. But I screwed that one up.

Christopher Sam (00:22:39) - So fair. Anna, you guys are awesome. Um, I love you guys very much. You know, I have a I have a few.

Teevee (00:22:52) - You're going to try to sit through this, right? I'm ready.

Christopher Sam (00:22:57) - So. So I am not a father. And but I looked at people who, as I mentioned, I looked at people who have the kind of lifestyles or the kind of things that I would like to emulate, should I be found in that position and try to understand what makes it work for them and how I can superimpose that on my own internal processes to make it work for me in my own unique way. You've endured a lot raising your two daughters, but you've done it, in my opinion, with such grace, and the results speak for themselves if you are taking it. They're very well mannered. They're like, Just so awesome and I can't. You guys will see when you watch the ones I want about his daughters. But what was your thought process raising your children? Because as I've also met other friends through you, they are awesome, like amazing parents.

Christopher Sam (00:23:47) - So I feel like like attracts like.

Teevee (00:23:49) - Oh, yeah, for sure.

Christopher Sam (00:23:50) - And. And I see what you mean. That's something like again, I'm not a parent, but should I ever become a parent, I would like to raise my offspring in the kind of manner that you do and a few others that I know in my life do. But you're obviously the one who's most visible. You have it on social media. You have a lot of your parenting tips. Check out his parenting tips. How did that start? Like being a single father, you know, making this intentionality. And I know a lot of his freestyling, but how did you navigate that? You know.

Teevee (00:24:18) - And deep ask question.

Christopher Sam (00:24:20) - It is. It is. And let me also specify because I know I'm very broad. It's very it's very broad. And I know him a lot. So when I say you're an awesome father, your daughter's exuberant love life, intelligence, grace and and they're so hard working, you know, and they're very confident, you know, and they they light up a room and they engage you adults in such a meaningful conversation.

Christopher Sam (00:24:47) - Well, I mean, they're adults now. Actually, they are. I shouldn't be. Yeah, they they've been doing that since they were children. They're also now so I shouldn't call them children. But how did you one thing you've told me in the past is that you programmed, you know, being technical guy, you as as the programmer of that life, you intentionally inputted source code that would allow them to acquire skills, confidence and stuff throughout the years. Even if you were in present. Can you speak more on that?

Teevee (00:25:18) - Um, actually, it's something that I think about a lot. Um, I, I believe that ultimately we're all the results because it's the reality. But I think we fail to see it when you're parenting in the day to day. But whether we're the results, we're the children of our and the result of our childhoods, right? Whatever we happen in our childhood eventually becomes a version of our adulthood, whatever programming, whatever beliefs we're in. Becomes you and latter years, as it relates to their confidence and their willingness to stand up and to speak.

Teevee (00:25:59) - I encouraged it at a very early age. I needed to make sure that because as I got older and I started going to different things and working on myself, everything that I perpetually would hear is that you just need to be more confident, you need to be more confident. But where does confidence come from? Where is that? Like we throw around words as if like, Oh, they're magically okay. I'll be more confident. Now, let me just turn the damn switch on. No, there's no switch. Confidence is a repetition. It's an internal feeling that you have because you you feel that you can do this thing or you've been here before. You've had reps doing things before. So for me, I always try to make sure that I've given the girls in many reps as possible in multiple contexts. So when there's time to show up in whatever new context they have to show up in, as they're getting older, they can say to themselves, Oh, I've been here, or I've done a version of this, and then encouraged them and gave them a positive feedback loop or something I wanted to touch on.

Teevee (00:27:05) - So thank you for asking. This question is and I get this, I get this from people, some people, especially online, they're like, Well, that's why you have soft ass kids. Because. Because you're too, you're too gentle, you're too easy on them. This was wrong with this generation. And I feel like that's backwards. And I think the thought process behind that is, well, you have to be hard on your kids because the world is going to be hard on them. And I can't say that that's not that is true. The world is going to be hard, but I think that it's quite the opposite. You need to encourage them so they have confidence because if you beat them up all the time when they do something and maybe it's not at your standards or it's not even your standards, it's their standards, your standards for them, because your own standards clearly are lacking. But that's another lesson. Not go there because they're living up to your own standards. You're the ceiling for them.

Teevee (00:28:00) - But where is it going with that? Oh, I'm real with them. I give them honest feedback, but I love on them on the process, because if I'm either I'm going to be their biggest critic and their first hater, or I'm going to be the one that's fucking their their the president of their fan club. I want them to know that with me they're going to get the truth. I give them truth like, Yeah, you could do better, but what you did right here is dope. Now what can we do to make it better? Like encourage them because now they're going to stay in the game. They're going to continue to play. They're going to continue to get those reps in. And then over time, they're going to feel confidence in whatever they step into. And I think I hear it a lot. It's like, man, you know, you have to be hard on them. And I am. I challenged them, but I'm not going to be a hater. I'm not going to be a dick to my own kids.

Teevee (00:28:52) - Like, what the fuck?

Christopher Sam (00:28:53) - Something I want to mention about that and then please keep going. But the being hard on them, I get that right Again, you want to toughen your offspring up for the world. But I think what's missed, unfortunately in a lot of parental homes is that love. Because, I mean, how many children tell their parents, I love you frequently? Sons to fathers, you know, daughters to fathers, daughters, like how often do that? How often do you hear that from the parents? And there's a lot of households, especially being African, like, you know.

Teevee (00:29:24) - Yeah, please speak on that because I don't I.

Christopher Sam (00:29:25) - Wouldn't know, you know, But they you don't hear that too often and I don't think like I've changed like I tell my father I love him. Hang up. Hey, love you, Dad. Bye. Like, you know. You know. And how does.

Teevee (00:29:37) - He feel about it? How does he receive that? Who you raise that way?

Christopher Sam (00:29:41) - I was not.

Christopher Sam (00:29:42) - Okay. Um, but another one of my council members said, you've got to stop that shit. He lost his parents at a very young age and he would give all his material wealth and stuff to to just have one, to just go and tell his parents what he's accomplished in his life. Right. And that that hit me. He was like, so young man, it doesn't matter if they tell you back or not. You love on them regardless. Agreed. You're an adult now. Yes. So I was like, give.

Teevee (00:30:13) - Give with that expectation.

Christopher Sam (00:30:15) - And so that's what I started doing and I just started loving on one myself, loving on my parents.

Teevee (00:30:21) - And just now this is a a PG rated show.

Christopher Sam (00:30:24) - Oh, can we make jokes like that? Are we are we answering that? Can we make jokes? Like, this.

Teevee (00:30:30) - Isn't a no show. You're fine. Just don't get pornographic. We're kidding. We're kidding. Carry on career.

Christopher Sam (00:30:40) - But seriously, though, right? So so that's what I've started doing and I've it's been so cathartic.

Christopher Sam (00:30:47) - And he responds back to me. He says, you know, I love you every now and then. And it just. Yeah, it's it's it's, you know, you know, if he's watching. Thank you. Not every time, but every often. Every now and then he will.

Teevee (00:31:02) - Just enough.

Christopher Sam (00:31:02) - To. Just enough. Yeah. But even if it doesn't like going back to my comment earlier, I like to give flowers to people while they're alive. If anything were to happen to me or if anything would have happened to my parents. Like they know that I love him. Yeah. You know, and demonstrating love and showcasing love is something very different. And I had to learn that, you know, something like and this is all recent, I recently learned that I've recently. You weren't given.

Teevee (00:31:26) - That source code at a young age. I was. You've had to install that on your own.

Christopher Sam (00:31:29) - I had to. And kind of going back to the source code, I have to be open and submit to wisdom and knowledge from people and figure if that makes sense.

Christopher Sam (00:31:39) - And for me it did, and I've been advising some of my other friends to do it. They're like, Nah, you know, me and my pops.

Teevee (00:31:44) - Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's like my bro.

Christopher Sam (00:31:46) - I'm like, I. But I've heard from a lot of people, you know, who've lost loved ones and they say, Damn, you know, looking back, if I could just go back and just tell them that, like, I know we showed it to them, but if I could just demonstrate that and verbalize, look them in the eyes and tell them I would give out, I'll give them anything to tell them and I don't. And going back to my secret of happiness, I try to live a life where I don't have regret. So that's a big.

Teevee (00:32:11) - Deal right there, man. Why? Why are you going to hold on to some old grudges that maybe your pops maybe didn't do something when he was younger? Like now show up in a way that you want to Would have liked for him to.

Teevee (00:32:22) - Yeah. Like there's that regret is, like, the stupidest thing to me.

Christopher Sam (00:32:28) - And yeah. So one thing I'm constantly, always thinking about his death, right?

Teevee (00:32:33) - And I think about it a lot too. Yeah. And I'm 20 years older than you always.

Christopher Sam (00:32:39) - Because we can go at any moment. And I want to know that if something were to happen, I've loved this world as much as I could.

Teevee (00:32:48) - And I try to get to that point. Like the girls with my family, with my parents. Like I tell them I love them before I leave because people go to work every fucking day and some of them don't come back.

Christopher Sam (00:33:03) - Some people go to sleep and don't wake up.

Teevee (00:33:05) - Oh, so to to think that and maybe we didn't have an argument, maybe it wasn't that bad. But to think that I didn't verbalize it or say it to them in that moment when they drove off or when they went to sleep, or maybe I did hold a grudge. Oh, forget about it.

Teevee (00:33:21) - What kind of regret? I'm like, no. And I have no ill like, I'm not going to carry that. We'll talk about it later if I am upset with them or something that can go right. But I make sure I tell them I love them. That gives me even more peace of mind. Like I've done my job to ensure that they knew how I was going to show up in their life and how I'm showing up. I'm leaving this this scene in this in our life for this moment. Who knows what happens when we go out there because the life is not guaranteed. And this sounds so stupid, but I actually had a probate and will attorney and she told me that because that's what she works on. She says people like there's going to be an accident out there somewhere in the country today, probably in Dallas and Dallas-Fort Worth, and some people are not going to make it back home. I drove by an accident the other day. The car was in flames. Yes. Yeah, it was in flames.

Teevee (00:34:09) - And I felt horrible for that individual, the family, the ripple effects. Why? Just because something. I mean. I do want to say there are some real world issues that need to be resolved and some like, yeah, we're not between relationships and I'm not trying to diminish that. But putting that aside, if that's not your issue, then just fucking love on your parents, love on your family members, love on those friends that you choose to have. Like just give them the roses, give them the love. And going back to my daughters, I made sure that they know that no matter what I have, they're back. Yeah, that is. I'll touch on this. I think another big problem is something in my chapter in my book. It's massive. Like everything in the world revolves around trust. Every relationship revolves around trust. Every failure of relationship is trust was diminished and ultimately was was destroyed.

Christopher Sam (00:35:08) - It's funny, I saw this, this, this comic that has a beautiful, majestic sandcastle on the beach.

Christopher Sam (00:35:15) - It has the towers, it has the moat and labeled the trust castle. And then you see this tsunami coming to wash it over. Entitled One lie.

Teevee (00:35:26) - Yeah, one lie. Yeah. And we've all been there, right? Either we told the lie or the victim of the lie. So I want to make sure that's consistent. But with my girls, one thing I've always tried to ensure that they had is that they or maintained is trust. That they trusted that no matter what Dad got you, you're going to fuck up, kid, and you're going to do things that I told you not to do. And it's okay. Because guess what? I've also done that. You've done that. And I dare you to be the person to say you've never made a mistake or lie. Right. But no matter what, I got your back. You can trust that Dad's got you. You can trust that Dad's going to be honest with you. And when you're screwing up, I'll let you know.

Teevee (00:36:12) - But no matter what, I still got your back. And the problem with a lot of relationships, you name the relationship style. And the problem when it falls off is that the trust is diminished. My children knew that no matter what, they can trust me with information, with their mistakes, with whatever. So when they show up in the world, what kind of person or how are they going to show up if they know that no matter what, I'm good. I think a lot of problems arise with adults. If you were to talk to them. It's like my parents don't talk to me. They don't they don't approve of this choice or that choice. They feel like I'm a loser. They wanted me to pursue that career. I'm sorry.

Christopher Sam (00:36:57) - I'm only laughing because I remember a conversation I had with my parents about certain decisions that I want to undertake and their responses. Sure. Do what you want. Now. 1st May end up in you getting.

Teevee (00:37:08) - You do it in the African accent.

Teevee (00:37:10) - No damage you can do. I love that accent. You can do it, but you might get your ass whooped.

Christopher Sam (00:37:21) - Not saying you would, but you know there will be real repercussions. Or you can do this. And it sounds. It sounds like a threat. No, but the way I took it, at least it was like, okay, if I do something in a manner that am I okay with those repercussions? Oh, yeah, yeah. Just basically like if I do if I'm about to do something that's very, let's say, disrespectful or something that may that may shine negatively on myself or my family, there will be repercussions. I have to be aware of that. And they're just being giving it to me real.

Teevee (00:37:48) - Like you got to be able to live with your decisions if you make a choice that puts you in a spot. I mean, if you say something to someone and they don't like it, you might get punched in the face. Like, that's real. Yeah.

Christopher Sam (00:38:01) - And I guess for me, understanding that cause and effect of life at an early age is, oh, one of the best pieces of advice my father ever gave me.

Teevee (00:38:09) - Snapped.

Christopher Sam (00:38:10) - Yeah. Cause this, this, this one piece of advice fundamentally changed my life.

Teevee (00:38:14) - Wow.

Christopher Sam (00:38:14) - Yeah.

Teevee (00:38:15) - Write this down. Good thing we're doing real. So let's go. So, hey, editor, make sure you hit it.

Christopher Sam (00:38:22) - Stop it. And I think it goes a lot along. And what we've been talking about, especially if you talk about parenting, compliments, love choices, happiness. Right? Damn, I was. It was sub ten like young. Right. And I was thinking about, hey, when I grow up, I want to make this kind of money. I want to do all this stuff on it myself. And my father looked at me and he said, Hey, son, don't think about how much money or cars or houses or weather. Don't think about what you want in that manner, but think about the kind of lifestyle you want to live and then work backward.

Christopher Sam (00:38:58) - Yeah, and an injunction that any echelon of society that you get, you rise up to or go to, you're going to see the same archetypes of people, right? So a lifestyle is something that's horizontal. Right. So figuring out your lifestyle and the choices needed to back in there. So if I know I want to be 80 year old and still doing splits or doing stuff like a young man and being active.

Teevee (00:39:21) - What she really wants to do, by the way.

Christopher Sam (00:39:23) - Then I have to be able to back into that. Well, what kind of lifestyle do I need to have if I want to be successful in this career? What kind of habits do I need to have? This goes back to the choices. This goes back to being happy. And I may not end up at that destination, but falling in love with that journey. If you shoot for the stars and you miss, you land on the roof.

Teevee (00:39:43) - I knew where you going with that one?

Christopher Sam (00:39:45) - If you shoot for the roof.

Teevee (00:39:46) - Roof?

Christopher Sam (00:39:47) - Yeah, but if you shoot for the roof and you miss you right back on the ground. Yeah. Um, so. So, yeah. When you said that about your daughters and just like the console, you just triggered that memory in me.

Teevee (00:39:57) - Yeah. So did I answer your question? You did? Okay. I just want to make sure that I did, because I know I went off because this is something that I'm really passionate about, and especially because there are people who have shitted on me and said, Well, that's why your kids are soft. And I'm like, You haven't met my kids for anything, but they will cut you. We have sparring matches with you. Yes. Yes, right. You have. They will cut you. They're not punks. I've said this in the previous one, I think, or somewhere. I'm not raising punks, but I'm going to love them. You know, imagine being filled with that confidence and love like, you know, anything's possible.

Teevee (00:40:34) - And then they saw what's possible through me, you know, where I was able to go from where I was at dirt poor to being able to live really well. Like I say, dirt poor. That sounds horrible, but we were struggling. But. But they saw the journey, so they trust me as well. They trust that what I have to say in the advice I give them about life, it comes with some substance. It's not just theory. And just like, Oh, I read this in a book, and.

Christopher Sam (00:41:02) - Not just that, but your circle of friends, the people that you've introduced them to, also reflect that success and that inspiration and push up that quote unquote, proverbial glass ceiling even higher because they can now aspire to go even higher and achieve new heights. That's all off the merit of your back. You had to go and make those connections and then introduce your daughter to those connections. So. Absolutely, brother. Absolutely. How are we doing on time?

Teevee (00:41:27) - We're doing fantastic and I think we should probably cut it off there.

Teevee (00:41:30) - Okay. For this episode of the Teevee Show podcast, thank you for tuning in. Do you have any final words on this episode?

Christopher Sam (00:41:37) - Um, well, thanks for the feedback and I'm glad you brought me back because it's the only way I get to see you.

Teevee (00:41:43) - This is actually true. I'm not. I i and it's pretty shitty, but at the same time, it comes down to the fact we need to schedule our time. If we schedule it, we can make it work. But.

Christopher Sam (00:41:56) - And on that note, let me say something to like, I have friends because I've been raised across different continents and everything like that. So I have friends that I've known since adolescence, and we obviously don't see each other very often, but the love is still there. Right? And this reminds me of a good quote. Um, those who mind don't matter. Those who matter, don't mind.

Teevee (00:42:19) - I want to add to that. So early in the year, we talk a lot. We share a lot.

Teevee (00:42:27) - My life's gotten a lot busier. Business has been going crazy. I have my ventures and ideas. And you've been traveling a bit. You've been doing some things. So there are some moments where I haven't talked to him in a while and I want to check in on him, which actually there's a subject that I want to talk about. I'm going to share it on the next one. I want to introduce something to you and introduce it to you guys that I got from somewhere. Okay. Remind me about that later in the next podcast. Okay. Where is that going with this? Oh, but I felt bad because I haven't like, he'll call me, we'll have a missed call, he'll text and I'm like, Hey, are you free? And I'm not free. I'll call him. He's not free. And I was like, Man, like weeks. Months have gone by. We haven't caught up. And I, I reached out to everyone, so I'm like, Man, I'm really sorry.

Teevee (00:43:10) - And please, no, I do want to talk to you. It's not me ducking you in any way because I do enjoy our relationship and what we give each other and and every time you're like, You don't owe me anything, we will catch up when we catch up. But there's no animosity. There's no like, Oh, screw you, man. Like, whatever, whatever. That's something I appreciate about our friendship is that when we do get together, whether it be on a podcast or a conversation, we are able to download and upload brand new stories, experiences and talk it out and really enrich each other's lives in a way that is fulfilling. But there's no there's no animosity around it. And, you know, because there's there can be those relationships where they're like, oh, you know, fuck you.

Christopher Sam (00:44:00) - Yeah, like I love you for the essence of you just being you like your friendship to me is just it's just off the basis of that alone. So you provide good energy, good vibes, insight.

Christopher Sam (00:44:12) - Like I we don't need to be in each other's ear 24 over seven, right? Or in each other's space. 24 over seven.

Teevee (00:44:18) - We ain't got it like that.

Christopher Sam (00:44:19) - Definitely don't because I'm busy. I got stuff to do. He's busy. He got stuck out of woman. Yeah, exactly. You know me, like, we all got things that we have to do and take care of commitments. So for me to monopolize your time on the basis of a friendship is silly on its face. Right? But the amount of time that you give me, when you can give me always well received because it's always quality and quality. Time is better than quantity of time. Yeah.

Teevee (00:44:46) - Shitty just sitting around on each other's phones.

Christopher Sam (00:44:49) - Yeah. Like that's not. See. Yeah. You're not being present, you're not engaging. You're not here. Yeah, exactly. And because you go off and because he goes off and has his own adventures and I do mine.

Teevee (00:44:59) - Man, the stories are dope. When we get back together, like, let me tell you what I did in Mexico.

Teevee (00:45:04) - Tell me what you did in Mexico.

Christopher Sam (00:45:05) - I think it's about time we cut this. Okay. And with that.

Teevee (00:45:11) - And with that, this is with The Teevee Show podcast. Make sure to, like, subscribe. I don't know what other buttons are around here. Hit some buttons engaged. Leave us a question. Yeah, leave us a question below. What do you want to hear about? What questions do you have for us? Just two grown ass men talking shit about life and what has helped us get here. And what we're going to plan on doing next. And so next time, my name is. And this is Chris. And this is the Teevee Show podcast. See you next time.

Speaker 3 (00:45:39) - Next time.