Inked Bonds: Family Crests and the Power of Shared Values

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Would you would you prefer to have first love or respect? Respect takes into consideration more about my character and who I am and what I stand for and what I'm about. People can love for different reasons. They can love for infatuation. But if I'm meeting somebody for the first time, do I respect them when I'm am engaged with people? It's based off of respect. First, right? Are they treating me the way I like to be treated? They step in me to correct me and I’m treating them the way they would like to be treated. And that's the respect factor. And you're not going to know that until you actually are in engagement with somebody. I feel like you can have respect without love and you can't have love without respect. My approach to life in general has been to not participate in the negativity. If people show up and just are vomiting, hatred and negativity, it doesn't take very long to realize that people will leave you or detract those individuals. And that's been true for me. Welcome, everyone to the Teevee show podcast. My name is Teevee and this is Chris Sam, and this is the I don't know, this show, this element, this show within a show that we're calling when Brothers Talk, although I'm considering actually calling it men talking about their emotions, considering because we end up talking a lot about emotions considering let's be real men have emotions and I wonder why. Is it because we're humans and humans have emotions? Hmm. I don't know. Anyways, there's not just a thought, like we're just being human at any rate, where do we move on from here? Oh, yes. So the top question of the day and the one we're going to lead with and see where it takes us, because we tend to get really chatty than we do and jump off a sub. Topics which I anticipate with this and this is a question that I actually saw in a group chat amongst men in in Dallas. I liked it, I answered it. But I also want I would love to extrapolate on that because I think it's a fascinating question. The question was this what you would prefer to have first love or respect? Hmm. Is you going to answer it? I'm like, I'm gonna let you take the lead on this. Okay, Chris, And then I'll respond to you and disagree wholeheartedly about everything you say because, yeah, what I rather have love or respect first. Is that what you're saying? Yes. Yes, That was a question. Well, I think at the onset, I prefer respect. Why? because respect takes into consideration more about my character and who I am and what I stand for. And what I'm about. Love could be. People can love for different reasons. They can love for infatuation, they can love for convenience. I think people can love. And for me, I think love is a choice. Like, you know, like let me let me backtrack. Respect first, love second But ideally, I want both, right? This is not an either or thing you said first. So ideally, I want what if I'm meeting somebody for the first time, right? Okay. That’s a good, I respect them, right? Because if I'm just head over heels, that's pure infatuation and infatuation. Without respect, it doesn't go well. in the long term, I love that. Respect doesn't go where it might just be lust. It might just be lust. Right? Right. But then even lust with respect, I think can blossom into something. Right? Right. So I think respect important because it has to deal with the character of the person or what they stand for, who they're about, where they're trying to go in life. Are they in alignment with you, all those different type of things? Now, I, I think that's under like, I don't know the context that we're talking about in a romantic sense. I was talking to a friend like as a friend, I respected you before we became friends, Right? Right. Just from how you were in a community on our stuff. And then we became friends and then brotherly love ensued. Right? So for me, without getting too long winded, I would say respect and love in that order. I agree, obviously. But I think and this is something we can do here in a second, is pull up, pull away what is love and what is respect? Mm hmm. I think and this is the way I answer, if I remember correctly, the way I answered it in the group. Your response? No yet. First off, everyone deserves respect. So I give people respect. Respect is just I see you for who you are. I respect you as a human being. And we start from there. That is like baseline for me. I get I am more respectful of individuals who are consistent with who they say they are or pretend to be or personify in the real world who they are. Even in the in the online world, I respect people who are consistent. That's how they keep the respect. What I actually respect, individuals I don't agree with. I respect people that may have polarizing opinions that are opposite of mine. The key to me is that they're consistent. Where I lose respect for a lot of people is when they say they are one thing, they act in one way. But then when things get sticky, muddy, when decisions have to be made on the fly, they don't they're not consistent with that. And it's just convenient. That's where there is disrespect. So I feel like it's important to unpack those two terms so everyone from me gets respect. I want to be respected first because that means you see me as an individual. You understand where I'm coming from, and hopefully I've earned the privilege of maintaining that respect because I don't I don't, especially on the stuff that's essential, the values, the the things that matter the most in the world. I feel like we should have obviously have the opportunity to change our minds. But then calling it out and saying, Hey, I changed my mind on that thing. All right. But I guess for me it's just important to really identify what respect is. So I respect it. You Before I met you, I obviously respected your skill. I saw your skill, I saw your personality. I respect you the way people engage with you. And you were just consistent to every time I saw you, you were that person. And you've been that person ever since. Obviously. Now I know you more intimately. We're close friends, so we know things about each other that nobody else knows. And even then you're consistent with it. So you have my respect and love. I think like so I say all that to say. I feel like you can have respect without love, but you can't have love without respect. Thus you need to be respected first before you're loved. So I think respect all of us here can kind of easily identify what a good working definition of respect is. What is a good working definition of love for you? Now that when I think is just it's not as easy to define. Yeah, I can say I love my parents, I love my children, I love my partner, I love you. I can say that confidently. I love my friends in my close inner circle. What does that mean? It's a love is that I have a respect for you and I hurt when you hurt. I'm happy when you're happy. I want to help When you're in a time of need. I want to show up. I want to support. I feel as if you're a part of my family, right? You're an extension of my family. To me, that's what love is. And there is the level of I want to say is superficial, but that we love a lot of people and it's not as intimate of love, not a close circle, but I love a lot of individuals. And because we don't have a word, I like a lot of people. But at a deeper level, we don't have a word for that without being like, Oh, that's my lover or That's my best friend. Yeah, your thoughts had a lot of thoughts as you were talking. But I think for me, trying to give it a more concrete yeah definition I won't because love is amorphous almost, and depending on what country you come from, what country. Yeah. Were generation is people are going to have a different Yeah. A different definition. Yeah. And I'll even add before you continue, it's almost as if somebody did this exercise in some workshop I was in and like what's pretty great beauty and I the beholder what is like no one's going to really agree and there are some consistent like societal standards of beauty. But outside of that it's hard to say, Oh, no one's going to have the same answer. Yeah, yeah, no, exactly. No one's going to have the same answers. I think that's something you define for yourself. And before I answer the love question, I'm going to just backtrack real quick on the respect. Real quick. I'm going to tell you better make it quick. I mean, we're already past that. I know, but but I think it ties in beautifully because like you said, your respects, consistency. Right. And at least for me, consistency can only occur because I know thyself, right? So I know how I can show up in a way that I want to show up in almost every situation. Life presents a lot of novel situations all the time, but I try to be consistent in how I interact with life and with experiences. So keep talking so that's that's what that now when we move on to the topic of love, what is how can you love in a consistent manner? I think for me, like when I think about my parents and my friends that I love and all these things, I do my best to create a space where they can be unconditionally themselves and I can be unconditionally myself. And then we just see if this alignment, right? Like, fortunately for you and me, you know, there's a lot of space between us, right, in terms of time to. Oh yeah, you know, you have a whole different lifestyle than I do, right? So we're not always talking all the time, but when we do connect, there is a, an atmosphere of openness, of acceptance where we can share, and that's allows us to go into deep areas and know each other very intimately and creating that container takes energy. Creating that container takes time and takes tension. And I think when you when you're able to consistently do those things for people, that is a baseline form of love. That's what my parents do for me. That's what I do for people that I love. I want them to know everything else that may come into that is only think me a derivative time and energy. And you know, those are very, very limited, especially in the life that we live. So those have to be, you know, rationed out accordingly. So I think that's what it is. But you couple that with respect. So, for example, let's take our relationship. You have the respect there. So if you're with a spouse or something, you're not going to let her do all the work you're and she's not going to if you're going to split, you're going to do things together, Right? That's why you formed a union, almost like a business. You have responsibilities and stuff that you're going to take together. The love comes in and how you handle those responsibilities. We've all been at jobs where you can do the same job, do it happy, you can do it, glad you can do it mad. But because I have love, I'm going to do it in a way that takes care of your happiness and soul while we're traversing on this line. Right? Because why are you in this? If you're upset, why are you? There's nothing that we're not going to have points of contention. But I'm creating a container where we can fight comfortably and you go back to them where we can laugh openly, where we can we can be as we are. So I think that's a very intentional aspect of love, which I think leads to when do you know you love? When can you love? And I think you said it like when you feel like you're in a place where you're being allowed to be to operate wholeheartedly when you're allowed to be yourself. So otherwise you have a representative, you have a persona, you have, you have and I don't. And personally, like I'm very fortunate, like quite a few people have said that about me, Like I'm very consistent and that's because I just I'm just who I am. Yeah, Yeah, right. I find it to be easier, right? To be easier who you are. Because I must say this before I continue. I wrote a book recently that I really loved and actually haven't finished the book, but he said something at the beginning that that was fascinating to me because it's true. And he said that there's three basic it may have been four, but three that I remember basic principles about human beings. Number one, we're all insecure. I don't care who you are, you're insecure. You may pretend like you're not, but when you're alone, deep at night and nobody's around, you're going to let your guard down. And you're going to you're going to you're going to feel right. So knowing that for me is important. I don't care who you are. I don't care how confident you are portraying yourself in the real world, which is awesome. I don't know why some shout out to Goggins. Number two, we all wear a mask. Go as far as to say we are multiple mask. We have to when we go to work. When we do our job, we have a mask. I am a marketer in some context. I am a business owner, I am a father, I wear a different mask and I like to believe that as a father, I'm able to take off the mask and also be vulnerable and be honest. But so we wear a mask. And number three is many people don't even know they're wearing a mask. So I have a point. So what a big point I wanted to make. Please hold that. I want to hear it is we want to be in a place where we can take our mask off or we can be as vulnerable, as honest, as raw, as light and real as possible without feeling like we're going to get shit it on. My daughters can come here and know that they can be their true selves because they have to live in a world. Shut out the fan on a Friday. But I've. I like to think that I've created a space where they know they can be their true selves. And granted they still have to. There is a mask in a sense, because they have to be my daughters and they have to play that role in a sense. Yeah, but I feel like I've created a place for all of us to truly love, appreciate, acknowledge each other's issues and be warrior for three things. The second one is we're all we're all insecure. Insecure Number two is we wear a mask, and number three is we don't wear them. We don't know we're wearing a mask. So I have points for all three. Okay. So the first one was insecurity, I believe. I mean, I'm insecure. We all have insecurities. That's should be no surprise if it is a big shocker. Welcome to life. However, I think a good place to be is get to a position where you're secure with your insecurities, right? So it's like, yeah, I have. You don't know everything about everything. I walk into spaces that I've never been in, so the insecurity really comes out like, I don't know what the rules are in this space. Who are the the leaders who are okay, okay, I'm nervous, but I still got to do what I got to do. I got to do it nervous. I got to do it happy. I got to do it. But and it's not the first time I've been nervous, anxious or sad or whatever. But yeah, you still got to go through it or it's not the first time I've been triggered. But do I know how to fight with myself? Do I know how to negotiate myself through whatever I'm feeling, through the insecurity right there? I know how to traverse that. Maybe I need time. Maybe I need an internal process. Maybe I need to talk to a good friend that I love. Maybe get in there. No, you got this. You know? I mean, they don't know. You know, you're awesome. They're going to love you. So that's my piece on the insecurities, right? With the mask, I look at humans like there's a concept called fractals, and I'm pretty sure I've told you this before. Fractals is something that when you break, it turns into smaller version of itself and continues into and right basically right When you when you derivative it down, it's just a smaller version of it. Same thing. And I look at humans as fractals like we're all very similar, if not all the same. So in that example, like a think of a diamond, right? A diamond is multifaceted. There's so many different phases to a diamond, but each phase reflects the same core. So without going deep, it well, I guess you already got me down this. I'm trying to imagine this diamond. Go ahead. Yeah. So if I'm a diamond and I'm shining my light through this diamond, it doesn't matter whether I meet you at work or I meet you at the gym, on the dance floor, whatever the essence of me that's coming through that face is still me. Through that. It may be. I may be talking in more verbose and eloquent words than, you know, pontificate upon length on the top of things that I'm thinking, but I'm still saying the same. That's the essence of what I'm saying is still the same. So so for that math thing, I think it's more important that you understand who you are. And the mass is more like an outfit. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and the outfit, the outfit doesn't wear you. You wear outfit, right? Right. Yeah. And what was the third thing? Please? We don't know. We're wearing a mask. Well, I don't even know. And I think that's what comes down to awareness and mindfulness. Yeah, right. Because it's like I need to know what I'm being. I need. I should hopefully know when I'm being triggered, because, no, I don't project off to somebody else and inadvertently cause some nonsense. I need to know if I'm interacting with somebody. Okay, maybe this way of saying it is not proper for them. Maybe I'm in a particular setting where I can't use this exact analogy, but can I switch the variables around? Still deliver the point. Right. Okay. That's smart. So that's your catering, your message to your audience. But it's the same same message. I'm still selling the same solution. I'm just presenting a use case that's more aligned to what we're discussing interfacing with. So how do you know when you feel love? When I feel love, yeah. I think it would be the inverse. Exactly what I mentioned earlier. When I'm in an environment where I feel I can be myself and people accept me and we can just, you know, kind of like. Like, yeah, like, yeah, just a because it just. No, no, no, no. It's more so on. Like, man, I'm smiling. You don't break the microphone. I'm sorry. Let me. How do I know when I feel loved when I'm around a group of people that allow me to be myself And that is I know it sounds like a very vague answer, but when I feel comfortable to express myself the way I think, the way I am with myself inside, I can be that way outside, right? That's how I know that's love, because not everybody's going to agree with me. My lifestyle, the things that I do. But, you know, and they don't have to I don't have to agree with everybody else, but we don't have to make it a point of contention. Now, that's just the love aspect. But that means nothing without respect, because you could just be enabling me to do bullshit. You really could, right? But if you respect me one way, you know, I've laid into your hands all the time. But. Yeah, but, but. But if you respect me and you know my mission, and you know what? I'm. I'm trying to go like, man, I don't think I'm a go to the gym today. What not which I you trying to like. You're going to realign to the goals and I think that's really important. So that respect and love factor really comes into play together. It's almost like respect. Love is the essence of the soul. Respect is the silhouette of the soul. Okay. Right. Sure. You're going to put me up with this good essence, right? And I feel good. I feel loved. I feel all that stuff. Words from mother figure, father figure, whatever. But then, Oh, well, like, say, my mother. Right? But my father would show you how to live the life how like this is how like, constrains discipline. Obviously, you know, I'm trying to assign kind of roles and stuff. This is all arbitrary, but hopefully you guys understand what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, right. I think so. The love is the air in the balloon. The balloon itself is respect is deeper, is the love is the deepest part of that. But it doesn't exist without the respect. Yeah, sure. Doesn't it? Well, the answer also it and this is my answer. I'm not saying this is right. Like again, this is just this don't take this under advisement. This is purely for entertainment purposes. We are not authorize love therapist or whatnot, purely for entertainment. We're not huge. We're not huge. I'm not. You look like him, but I'm down to my necks. I actually I couldn't help but notice something that I wanted to talk to you about, and that is this entire idea of like, I guess, the dating world as it stands today. And the biggest observation for me being I feel like there's a war going on, like there's women versus men and that and obviously this is what's being portrayed in the popular media and in a lot of the news feed. But this idea that all men are toxic and this women are and that all women are what? Fill in the blank. I don't even know whatsoever the toxic, I guess toxic Mexico. And I'm I'm saddened by it because my daughters were actually are now aging up and like crap like where they're going to encounter. Yeah interesting as a father, right? I have daughters. Yeah. So hearing men go on and on about how toxic women are out, how terrible they are, I don't know if they've actually used that word, because that's the word being used against me and toxic masculinity and whatnot have a lot to say about this. But having not only a partner that I love dearly, who I feel is in the best match for me and that has been the most empowering human being ever sat out my sister. But also I'm raising two daughters. So hearing the hatefulness aimed at women in general is like really disheartening. Yeah, Yes. But before I go into, like, wax poetic on that, what is what are you seeing? What are you experiencing? What are you hearing from from people in that in your age because you're out there. Yeah. So I mean, there's a lot of Instagram. There's a lot I mean, podcasters, you know, it's kind of building passive. Yeah, I know. It's kind of it's kind of weird. Now, podcasters that are. Dude, you're going to break my heart. Oh, you Soundsystem, You know you're going to break. Yeah. The editor's ears. Oh, but so my thoughts. You said something earlier for entertainment purposes, right? Yeah. A lot of stuff out there in the media. Oh, is I mean, the media, right? Its whole purpose is to gain attention and gain following. So there has to be an entertainment component. Yeah. And that's also inspiring. I don't think there's anything to say wrong with that. I think what's wrong with that is or the issue that can arise and that is a lot of people may not have as much dating advice and are taking dating advice from others. So it's one thing to learn martial arts from a textbook and it's another thing to be in the dojo and have some skin in the game. So for me, like I hear a lot of influencers hear a lot of stuff they're talking about and but I'm I'm in these proverbial streets, you know what I mean? So stuff sun, you know nothing about these streets so and not saying that they don't but like kind of going back kind of going back to that love and respect conversation is okay, good, perfect. Let's bring back in baby. I believe, like, I have a lot of respect for myself and have a lot of love for myself. So I'm going to and I also don't have a lot of time. I just would life. I don't know. But you're young, man. How can you not have them? Because I don't make a lot of time to do a lot of things. I'm focused a lot. So thank you for asking because I'm focused on things that are pushing you in directions that I need to go in. That's why I have a certain physique. That's why I have a certain financials. That's why I have certain mindset. That's why I have certain things, because all of those things take time. Yeah, right. So and even in a strengthening relationship, like, all these things take time. I don't have infinite amount of time to Infinite amount of time to what specifically? An infinite amount of sorry, I don't have infinite amount of time to just be out there in the streets dating data exactly for five days a week. Yeah. Yeah, but but, but yeah, exactly. But however that being the case, when I, when I'm am engaging with people, it's based off of respect first. Right. And are they, are they treating me like, like, like are they treating me the way I would like to be treated. They step with me to correct me and I'm treating them the way they would like to be treated. And that's the respect factor. And you're not going to know that until you actually are in engagement with somebody, right? Because they may be from a different culture, they may be from a different demographic like you don't know these things until you actually start interacting with them. But also let me go back to that love component. You know, is there less there because that's important? Is there attraction is all these things, right? So I think when I see in a lot of social media about the manipulation, about the narcissism, about the the the games and all this stuff, Right. Like, I have enough strength in my character and I have enough confidence in my ability to just be myself, that I know there's a population of people that would just innately love who I am, period, and will just innately respect who I am. And if that's not one of you guys, that's fine, right? And like, that's cool, right? But but the but I just the ladies or like just the people in general because it's just doesn't just go for, like, romantic. This is also friendship like. Right, right. Like this is like this isn't just a relationship thing. Like, are you, are you treating me with respect? And based on that, can we come to a mutual. I'm like, maybe. Hey, girl, I'm really attracted to you. And maybe we want to try and explore things in a different arena. Maybe not. Who knows? But can we even have that conversation? Right? But these games and stuff like, Yo, this is how you this is the pick up line. Like, the best pick up line is Hi, you're cute now, you know. But watch, look into my sword. I want you to feel that for the audience. But but yes. Like basically like, hey, I my approach to life in general has been to not participate in the negativity. Oh, shit. How so? And this is every aspect of my life. And I just. I to say that I wish I said that. So just not participate in the negativity. Um, meaning like, I don't need to hear that dialog. I do agree that there are toxic men. I do agree that there are toxic women, but the generality that all women are toxic or money hungry and all this that all of them are is untrue. And I can guarantee you that because I have two daughters. So if only two of them exist, then obviously that entire mindset is already not possible. There are individuals that are show characteristics that are negative, that are hateful, that are toxic, and in each group. But just like we can't say all black people are one thing, all Mexicans are another thing, All Europeans are one thing, all marketers are this. All attorneys are that You cannot really say that with the universe and be a universal truth. It is is flawed thinking. So starting off with that next, I try to show up into every aspect, every context of my life in every every room that I show up as the best version of myself. And in just doing that and as the best version of myself with no expectation on the other, you don't know who the other person is and what they've been through in life. And the person that I end up befriending leading into my circle and am becoming my partner will mirror that will show up. I am a very corny man. Yes, I am. The goofy is geeky, is like flawed, man. And I wandered around the world making a bunch of mistakes, showing up as my goofy, flawed self. And I kept on improving in that. But by showing up as that, that person, I feel like a detracted others from showing up in my space. If people show up and just are vomiting, hatred and negativity, it doesn't take very long to realize that. A I don't want you in my circle. I'm not going to engage in that because that's not the type of conversation I want to engage in. We can engage in a debate, but we're not I'm not going to engage in China on hating on people, on gossip. So those people in me and I'm corny people will leave you will detract those individuals. And that's been true for me. I don't participate in those conversations. I don't engage in those conversations. And not to say that I'm ignorant to them, I know that they're happening all around me and that the reality of the world there is some hatefulness, there is some ugliness. But those individuals, when it comes to being in my social circle, drop off and eventually the people that actually matter show up. I've been lucky enough to have some beautiful human beings in my life and dated some amazing human beings. It didn't work out because we were on different paths, but they were good people and I'll stop there. I feel like you have a ton of shit to drop it. No, I think that's a good addition to this topic. One thing I did want to mention or add on to that is especially when we start talking about toxicity, right? That term gets thrown around too much and you and I, even in popular media, get it. Yeah, it's this is hard. This is how I look at it for me because I can only be accountable for myself. Right? You attract. I attract what I am. You're attracted to project. However I retain what I can tolerate. Mm. Right. So you know, if there are people who think I'm too open, people think, oh, this is just always happy and just too positive. Cool. Kind of sounds like you're not going to be a fit from your right. Like, you know, you just automatically I just even in business, like when I'm working, trying to work with someone, one of the biggest the first thing we're trying to do as a business owner, as a marketer, when I'm trying to talk to a client, we're trying to figure out if we're a good fit. You know, that's yes, they have money and then you have your product that you don't need. Yeah, like I want this to be a good partnership. Like, girl, come on. I think at a younger age, because I didn't have a lot to offer. I can speak from absolute with absolute confidence about this, about myself. So I didn't have much to offer the marketplace. I was young, I was dumb. So I jumped many times in my youth at up at any woman who just showed a mild bit of interest. Now, I didn't vet them. I wasn't a good fit. And looking back, I probably I know I wouldn't actually have continued that relationship, but I was too horny and to just wanting to jump into a relationship at that time, I would add in no myself yet. And I didn't know what was out there and what people were capable of. So I just I let toxicity in at times because I didn't know what that even looked like. Yeah. And you know, as you're saying that like the man I am now. Mm. Okay. I know you're going to if I am because this is another, Yes, another hot topic, but a greater the man I am Now if I was to go back to, let's say like my first ex in life, we might still be together because the things that I have learned. Yes. And how to manage my emotions, how to regulate expectations and how to set boundaries that I didn't have then I'm so much better on and how to have conversations and arguments, how to fight, how to do it. So. Oh, what expectation did you have? A with me? I we already made a pact. Yeah, but that's the same over the same thing. Yeah. Like, yo, why are we arguing? Well, you didn't do X, Y and Z. This is another part that I just, my, my buddy introduced me to. It's expectation and agreement is, it's about the agreements or the lack of agreements. Like a person can have an expectation. So when you were younger, he didn't know you were. I didn't learning I didn't know I had a girlfriend that used to be pissed at me because I didn't have Southern gentleman. This I didn't have what do they call that? Southern hospitality. Hospitality. The where when, when men are supposed to do certain things, there's a phrase for it like opening the door or walking on one side of the, you don't know, open doors for women. But I do now shut out. But even that's dumb. Why she gave her damn door. But I didn't know I was raised in the hood and nobody taught me that there is there are certain rules, so she will light my ass up. Little did I. How are you supposed to show how you're supposed to do these things that nobody is showing you? So she taught me a handful of those things, you know, and that's part of life. A lot of lessons that I've learned. I've learned through confrontation, conflict and strife like that. So breakups and. Oh, yeah, right. So but then I reflect. I don't know how many people actually lose by reflect. Okay, what was mine? No, it's just hurtful. She just sucked. That's a copout. Right? But is it now? She's toxic. She's terrible. Okay, I'm the perfect man, okay? I have money in the bank. I believe that. I know What? That's funny, though. And then finally, there are people who really do think like that. But I'm sure, you know, I'm sure there are people who really do think like that. But that takes away from your own power. Like when you don't. You know, I'm a catch when you take time to actually work on yourself and reflect on how you entered into whatever outcome came, not emotionally, just like, okay, where could I have been better work? Could I have been stronger? Where could have been more clear? Bumble boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. When you start doing stuff like that, you, you, you make yourself better for the next person. And if that doesn't work out, and if you continue this process, you're refining yourself. Right. And that's that's the work you're doing. It is the work because the work to be a better person and like it may not be you may not be the ideal version for the person you're with now, but maybe the next person and vice versa. And so you have the saying that I love a lot. You said, like all your exes upgraded after you. Yeah, and so did I, 100%. So Jocko Willink, Extreme ownership Ex. Oh yeah. I already had this idea of self like it's just in my nature for reason. It always has been. But the book kind of clarified it even more and like taking extreme ownership of every situation you're in now, it doesn't mean that it's your fault, but you are at fault in some capacity or have some responsibility. Excuse me. Me too. You have some accountability in creating this situation, or at least not knowing how to manage it. There is some ownership and for me that's the biggest thing, because it all starts with self. Because if if you take an audit of your life and this is women are very guilty of this. And so, I mean, if if the story you tell about all your exes is that they sucked, then you have a problem. You're not being honest and you're not emotionally aware enough to realize, like you participated in those you chose those individuals. So therefore, what can you do to make a change? I have this basic philosophy is to your point, and I realized that I was doing this over the course of my that led me here with my current partner. But with every relationship, major relationship that I got into from marriage to I think I had maybe three, three girlfriends before I finally found this one who's amazing. So, mamacita, I get too many shots up. Every one can teach you something. The first major one was my divorce. Actually commented on somebody's post on Instagram and somebody said, What? What was one of your biggest mistakes that you're remaining you learn from? And I said, Divorce. That was my biggest and best mistake because I had to that I am an absolute mess. I didn't know how the world operated. I didn't know how to show up as a man. I didn't know this and that. Like I learned so much for it and it actually was my best education. That particular response has a, I want to say 600, 700 likes because people resonated with that. That's a lot of likes. That's because people that out. I was crazy because I still look at it like, wow, it's still popping up. The point of that being like, she taught me a whole lot and I had to restructure myself in, my worldview, big time. So I started setting. Every relationship should help you set up new parameters, new rules for how you're going to show up and who's going to come into your world and who you're going to accept as a partner next. Big Relations. And there was some other people I dated and learned a lot. The next big relationship didn't work out was a fantastic relationship, but I learned a lot more about myself and what other boundaries I needed to set next relationship. Next relationship. By the time I got to my girlfriend, my current partner, I had a lot that I had already set up. So by the time she came into my circle, a lot of what did I just say with the word guidelines and rules that don't say rules, but I showed up in the world as a much better version of myself than that flawed young man that got married. So by the time she showed up and made it through the filters, it was it's been a match because it's not about finding the right person. Now your need is about being the right person. And that was it for me. I just I knew I was a catch, but I also knew I had worked on a ton of things about myself and how I showed up. I was no longer a little boy. I had finally become a man. By your own standards and my own standards and definition and not society or some influencers. I'm a horny, geeky dork. That's like, What's the fucking term? High value man, High value woman type stuff? Yes. I just feel like I am the best version of myself. My shoe is version of myself. Do me a favor. Tap your face. I know there is. I'm. I'm the truth version of myself. I don't make excuses for the darkness. I keep saying that because I am by no means some hunk. And I have a beautiful partner. She selected me. Whoa. But she saw something in me. No, I didn't want to talk about while I was dating. A little bit before that, I stopped doing the swiping in the apps years ago. It just didn't find the value in it, and it was just more of a waste of time. Seemed more like an interview. But it has to be right, because you're trying to get to know something different rapidly. Yeah. And like I always, you know, so something like that like that, that's yeah, you work in the numbers your number but Right. So if we can let me just add this tidbit. I always tell people like have a good sense of self, know what you like, know your hobbies and tend to meet people doing the things you love. Because there was what changed my life. Because at least then you have something that you love in common, right? We met dancing, right? So we're both avid dancers and we can and we happen to also draw parallels in the way that we think, philosophies, people that we follow, books that we've read, you know, existential concepts. And that really kind of cemented a more deeper bond between us. However, you know, even if we had none of those, at least we like this. Yeah, right. There's something that connects you is not some random person I saw on the street like a brother. That outfit is fire. I need to get them shoes. Like, let's be friends. Oh, how much? True. Deep context in alignment do we have based on something as superficial? Is that right? You know, you could. You could. You can be more likely. That's. We're playing our numbers. Yeah, that's the same the numbers. It's the same thing. And we need to understand that. We have to be we have to have a good offer in who we are, like our offer in the marketplace and get where we are. Like where we how we show up. Like, I think we just need to have a good offer for us, right? Because there's very good there's a lot of them here. I'm kind of. I do kind of. I have some there's a lot of different like there's a lot of different marketplaces, right? Yeah. So if you're going to align yourself to a particular marketplace, you're letting it. Yeah. No, this is not a this is not business, right? I mean, it is similar is and that's the reason I put that out there is I feel like a lot of people are putting themselves in a in a scenario where they're surrounded by or in a in a setting where that that's not really the type of person that they want to partner up with. They're in the wrong word. Yeah, Yeah. It was in that context. And that's because they're not, they're not being themselves and they're not like, if you're not happy where you are in life right now, you're not going to be happy where you like it with somebody else. Someone else. Because you actually what you're trying to do is you need somebody else to come and help you fix your life, right? Like get happy with your life first. You know, be know thyself, enjoy thyself. And solitude helps a lot. But then, like, as you know, I've been spending a lot of time in solitude. The last day that you were dead when you were a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, So I guess it's no surprising that I do a lot of solitude, right? Adding more to the time. Because, again, even without being alone, that time with myself, this time I'm not doing not only the activities I need to do, but also time. I'm not engaging with you or various other friends that I have in life. So yeah, just be happy with myself first. So going back to the whole dating, right? Yeah. And this is still under the foundation of respect and love. Yeah, well, there has to be a foundational element of respect, correct? I think what ends up happening too much and what I'm seeing is that there is there's like both parties show up almost like going to war on a date or trying to make sure that you're not toxic and you're not toxic. Yeah. And, you know, I don't I can't say there's anything wrong with that because you're I like to believe that they're employing the best strategy. That's why they have to be using it. Correct. But honestly, a much better marker for me is how are you? All right. Because there's some people that come in and they just they just it doesn't matter what. They're just happy. Well, they just they just they're just happy, right? And Like and they're happy because they have strict boundaries. They're like, no, I'm not going to go that way. And when I say that, I'm not saying that they're avoiding conflict, that ongoing, unpleasant, you know, like selves enough to to know where they're willing willing to go. I guess my big point in bringing that up is they're coming to it as a battle as opposed to just a conversation. Yeah. Like, yeah. And then not an expectation that this person might be a bad person. They're filtering for negativity. Yes. As opposed to just getting to explore the person. I already have a story they're showing up with and they're like, I have this is almost like, look, I have this cut out of a story of a person. Do you fit into this puzzle piece? Okay, versus who are you? Yeah, like just exploring for this. And, and I guess I get it because you're trying to you're trying to work through it and you're trying to find your partner. You're trying get buried and like, now you're. Yeah, but now you've, you've put a lot of time restrictions, you put a lot of different things. And I talked to like, you know, a lot of books that I've read always talk about the value of talking to people and hospice people who are about to, you know, who live life. And even myself. I find a lot of value in having much older friends than myself three times. The way you talk to me because you think I'm going to die. No, I love. Yeah, I hope not. I mean, we are all all right, but after that. But you know, in talking to those people who've lived life have gone through a lot of different experiences, that they value things a little bit differently. And then when you recognize what those people value you, that for me at least, I got to value myself and I may explore this woman in conversation and whatnot. And it's like, are we just in alignment? Right? But for people who do put time constraints or I need to be married by this, I need to have kids by this, those are real factors, especially as women biologically and even as men. We also have some biological stuff that we have to be a part of. But, you know, you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to meet somebody that individuals that are in grocery. Exactly. They're like, I don't know. I just I feel like it's an unrealistic expectation when you first meet or when you're dating. But I think a lot of social media also puts it in people's head, like Yo, why aren't you married by this age? Why don't you have kids by this age? Like, I mean, know the society as a whole, right? I'm not. Okay. Are you financially ready to support a family? Do you have the emotional intelligence and the conflict resolution strategies to engage with somebody over an extended period of time? Are you having help for your trauma? Have you got help for your trauma? Yes. You're going to trauma bond. You know your attachments to house. Do you know? You know, it's just like all these different things. Right. And these are all strategies to help you regulate yourself, but also argue with a partner. So going back to the idea of I don't invest in engage in the negativity. MM It served me in the sense that I don't waste energy, you know, and it's right. So I'm kind of the Raptors conversation. I'm, I raised two girls they're two amazing young women. I know that every single podcast says, yeah, you keep these girls are grown their granddad. Yeah I'm I am a grandfather. It's crazy. I'm not that old. I am older, 20 and 18. So the idea that they're going to go into the dating scene in time. Hold on, hold on. Okay, Let me tell this story. Let me set this one up. I get excited Is is crazy. However, maybe they don't even have to. And it's crazy to me because their very first partners, their very first boyfriends are actually fantastic human beings. The oldest one is now mother. And she her partner, the father is a fantastic man, a young man. And like she just went and did that thing. She wanted to start building a family, shut out. King of room, kingdom room. I don't I don't follow King Room society. Oh, see, I don't. He lost me there, Caesar. Oh, King of Rome. Caesar. Gotcha. Caesar. Got it. So she's not going, at least for the foreseeable future, how to engage in that. But at the same time, she has had to filter to find that partner. She's. He's actually a really good person. Crazy. I'm the dad. I hang out with him. I might eventually bring him on here. I don't know if he's open to that idea because, you know, he's a young man. He can be a little overwhelming. But the point being, he's he's oh, he have a podcast that hasn't been released yet where he was in the room while we were recording it. So that was pretty neat. But she was prepared, I think, through my own experience in how I was showing up in the world. And she's been able to filter because at the end of the day we filter for a version of ourselves. We don't want someone identical to us, but a version of someone that that has the same values, beliefs, core, fundamental operating systems. And she did my younger one and she's done the same. They're both supposed to be trash. Sorry, like the first partner or the first boyfriend. Like the first person that they really settle down with. They're supposed to be trash. They're supposed to be terrible. I'm supposed to be having to to counsel them and say, no, he's a terrible human being. He just wants to go to bed with you and get the good thing. But they actually this kid, my youngest one, hit her boyfriend's pretty cool as dude, humble, outgoing, friendly, hilarious. So one thing I think that you've done really well, just like we're inviting you all into our conversations and how we talk. You have these candid conversations with your daughters. Yes. So you get to share with them your filters that you've painstakingly got through life. Yes. Right. And now to time heartache. So and they've got through some experience to be got a battle tested through some experiences in their relatively short lives that now when they go out into the world, they're already going with some filters. It's like and that's a great point, because only having you that you didn't have, you only was growing up left and right. Exactly. And I think a lot of people don't because especially in Western society, like how many of your parents are telling you, talk to you guys about sex. How many of your parents are talking to you about drama? How many of your patients are talking to you about how you handle your emotions? No. Most people are working, right. I most people I don't have time to I don't want to don't have a whole didn't have the skill set themselves. So now you have what they proverbially say kids having kids, right? Yeah, I've opened up to them at times now as they're older and actually shared. One day me and Karla had a huge fight. It was one of the worst fights ever. And my my daughters are here. And I opened up like, we just had a fight, man. It was ugly. Girls start laughing like, wow, like. But openly talking about how then we got through it. Yeah, like we how we eventually And that was a bad one actually. That one. That was one of the most eventful ones. And they took a while to unpack and kind of get back seat back, sit back down and let this were just flying. No, no champ, let us know. She's not that kind of Mexican. She's not the one checklist. But it took us a while to sit down and actually talk through it and find a resolution and acknowledge each of our mistakes and a resolution around it. But I opened up to the girls about that. I wanted them to know how we worked through it. And Carla chimed in, and then they shared how sometimes they've had to work through that as well. But we're not taught how to have a conflict resolution. I'm sorry, was a did you just respectfully and lovingly create a container where you could be yourself and that your daughters could be yourself and address an issue? And I said at first that that's another take leadership. Yeah. In your household and expose your emotions in a loving way. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. That doesn't do anything vulnerable in sharing like Yes, the father that Yeah, that that you love and that raised you actually is flawed and got into an argument and this is how we resolved it or how we're resolved how we resolving it and how we tend to resolve it. And sometimes that means taking a big break. Take I actually had to take a walk that I like a map. I actually wrote about it. So I mean, I come to a complete surprise, anybody that reads my stuff. But it was for me as essential to be honest with them and not pretend that I have it all figured out. And I don't any when it does break, like, Hey, let me share the story. Carlos Fantastic. As she's open to it as well. At first you were like, Oh, you're going to talk about this. Okay. But we we shared it, which then allowed them to say, okay, I'll tell you about my arguments and how we're working through like and I think that's the biggest lesson here for me is we ask our kids how they're doing or, you know, wander around the world asking questions instead of being vulnerable and leading. And I read this in a book years ago is be first like whenever you want in the world, be first. So I'm going to use an analogy, but, you know, I love analogies. I really love I feel like a lot of people that probably watch our stuff are going to be the answers because we were playing into maybe not, okay, but like, I blow this up year. That's true. All right. Well, I know the dancers resonate this, okay? People who don't dance, but. Oh, I know you're going in dancing, salsa dancing, partner dancing. There's a concept of a lead and a follow. Right? And if you see anything Dancing with the Stars or whatever, you're seeing the follow whoever the follow is male and woman. He's doing these very elegant, beautiful movements and everything. And the Lead is doing a similar version of that, but just maybe on a less grand scale to imply what the movement should be. So that's the lead and follow dynamic. Similarly, in your relationship, you modeled, you modeled, Hey girls, I'm going to trust fall into you as your dad and share this with you just fine. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm going to eventually when I'm in, I can, I can. I want to I'm going to share something. I don't know if you're ready to share this, but I'm more share this anyway. So that trust for that leaving that model. Right. And this is not and I say leader but that's not I'm not speaking man woman lead follower right. Like there to lead without a follower. Yeah. And if you're in any kind of friendship partnerships it goes back and forth. Yeah it goes, it should go back and forth if you want Harmony. Yeah. Right. Like it's not going to be one way all the time, but you've just fallen so much into your family that they have just fallen back in to you, so much so that your daughter has ingrained upon her flesh the family crest of the iris. Yeah. So actually both of them have, but the youngest one just did yesterday or two days ago. She and there's a lot of family rituals, a lot of things that we do that they've both adopted and believe in. I think that as a family we have to have those rituals. You have to have stories about your family to help them become feel like they're a part of a bigger thing. And that bigger thing for them is this family. What we stand for and what we represent as an either. What do we do? How do we show up in the world? So that's all part of it. In the last part, which I did, this is what they had to opt in on their own. And they did. My younger my older one actually did this when she turned 18. She placed a tattoo. I have a tattoo of a red spade, which is for me has become our family crest, a red spade. I'll share the story of why some other time. And on it I did this about seven or eight years ago. Also have their initials. Um, my oldest one actually did it a couple of years ago. She surprised me. She's like, Guess what? And she sent me some pictures from Tattoo Shop and she was getting it done. She opted in and that for me was like, Wow. Like, that's how much they believe in our story and what we represent and who we are as a family. Then my younger one turned 18 and now she's about to be 19. She got it done a couple of days ago. She was excited, she was nervous, but she did that as well. And joked with her like, now she's officially part of the family, but she's officially part of like the next level or like you went as far as to put it on your skin. She's very proud of being a part of this clan, Right. This this part of this tree, this division, this family tree. And that, to me, was one of the biggest ways like and this showed me in many other ways, but that was one of the biggest ways that they showed me how much they love who we were, who we are, we represent. She put it on her. She was bleeding our place. She she was a bleeder. And I think kind of tying it all back, that goes back to love and respect. All right. Because that's how we're going to end the show. Let's go to it because everything that we've progressed to from that initial point in this conversation doesn't happen unless you have that foundation. And the first person that needs to have that shit is thyself. So I just wanted to essentially point that out as we conclude, because this is this is dope. Again, I don't really get to talk to this guy unless it's in front of a camera. I tell him to not I'll drop some hot topic or question and he's like, Oh, and like, hold off, don't answer it, let's answer it now. I can't even talk to him unless he's on camera so that he can capture my thoughts. And our thoughts live deeply through this. So. But finish it up. But but even. Yeah, so but essentially just think about some of the stuff and not saying that we have all the answers, but these are the answers that have worked for me. And you know what I thought about earlier? Like, I'm not gonna pretend to be an expert in relationships. I'm parenting on any of that because I have no degrees. Take this as you will test it for yourself. But I am an expert in me. I am an expert in my life. And these stories are real. And this is how I've learned it. And I am stupid, happy and don't share some of my lessons and some of my stories, my experiences. Maybe that's what I hope I did for my girls is I shared those stories openly with them. I was vulnerable, was not ashamed of making the mistakes that I did. And in fact, if I can keep them from not making them, they're going to make they're going to make some they're going to be like they're going to touch that hot stove nonetheless. But if they can then learn like, oh, that's what Dad was talking about. Yeah, they can learn it quickly. They don't have they don't have to touch it for more times. They're like, Oh, damn it. Because too many people actually do that. Because know what happens now you have a scar. Yeah. And now that yeah, the lessons are there. So take that as you made for only for entertainment purposes. Don't go out there and cross the street without full guidance and looking down. Yeah, the street of life. But guys, ladies, gentlemen, we're got to wrap up. Yeah, just wrap it up. You can sign it off. Don't time. It's awesome. Okay, Ladies and gentlemen, it's been awesome to be brought back here to talk to Mr. Eden himself. And we hope that you guys enjoy. You have any questions? Shoot him the way. Our way? Yeah. We love this one. We have your questions and that you love to ask us as to how we operate, how we engage, or anything like anything. So inbound, as long as not hate or anything like that, we're would be peace, love and positivity. Think you're.