The Art of Meaningful Conversations | The Teevee Show Podcast

00:00:00:01 - 00:00:18:12
Unknown
I think about this a lot because it just is something we talk about a lot. How do I know when I'm talking effectively? How do you know when you're in the presence of an effective communication? How am I gaining deeper understanding of who that person is on a social level? Am I present? Am I listening to what's coming out of the other person's mouth and not just trying to listen to respond?

00:00:18:15 - 00:00:37:07
Unknown
You got to gamify, so it's fun. If I'm not learning about something, if I'm not growing, then it can easily become very boring. But an effective communicator not only sets expectations on what they're going to do. They're also at home. Just because it makes sense in your head doesn't mean it makes sense of the individual receiving. Correct? I don't want you to ever cut.

00:00:37:09 - 00:01:02:15
Unknown
All right? You're a little boy. You shouldn't be cussing, Welcome back, everyone, to the Teevee show podcast. My name is Teevee and this is my Chris, the lovely assistant system co-host co-host of the When Men talk. When Brothers Talk. or or what? What is the other thing? The, He has other names. His workshop. Yeah. I'm workshop back.

00:01:02:18 - 00:01:22:23
Unknown
Welcome back. Is men talking about the emotions podcast. Welcome to talking about Life. I don't think we live in limited to just emotions because we're talking about scenarios and stuff. Emotions do play a lot of part into, what happened. Everything that we react to is an emotion. I mean, you're right. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's just I mean, I'm playing with it because that'll trigger a lot of people.

00:01:23:00 - 00:01:44:08
Unknown
That's the point. We're talking about emotions. We're talking about you. It triggers people like mentioned be talking about their emotions. You're a man. Fuck that shit. and off we go. Oh, here we go. Question of the day. Is this, with Chris once again, I shared it with him, and then he started talking a lot and said, stop.

00:01:44:11 - 00:02:07:13
Unknown
Shut up. Let me turn on the cameras. Let me turn on the camera. Sit down. Sit my ass down. Let's do this. So the conversation is this or the the question is this how do you know when you're talking to an effective communicator? Or how do you know when you're being you're communicating effectively?

00:02:07:15 - 00:02:26:02
Unknown
Oh, that's question this question okay. You can speak now. I can speak now. Thank you. Thank you good sir. So how do I know when I'm talking effectively. And how do I know when I'm. You're not being enough or know how do you know when you're in the presence of an effective communicator? And I'm a back up a little bit.

00:02:26:04 - 00:02:50:06
Unknown
I want to set this up a little better. I obviously the question by itself is fantastic, but the reason I bring this up is I have this this idea that we we say things that we don't really think about. So in relationships and in life, in work we say like, oh, my partner doesn't communicate. I want to be, to communicate better, or I just want to be with someone who is who can communicate himself.

00:02:50:08 - 00:03:12:06
Unknown
at work, it's like, oh, I left the job because they didn't communicate. So what does that really mean? They're we're all communicating. We're having a conversation. We're communicating. We're watching a movie. This communication, a piece of media is communication. So in terms of a person, a person conversation, how do you know what a an effective communicator is?

00:03:12:07 - 00:03:36:00
Unknown
What does that look like? So for me, and I'm going to be borrowing some concepts that we mentioned in previous podcasts and previous episodes around expectations and setting expectations and all that stuff. I think effective communication, comes in the flavor, as I am clearly expressing in some way, shape or fashion my expectations and and boundaries and all this thing.

00:03:36:00 - 00:03:57:10
Unknown
And I'm also being an effective listener if I'm listening for that. But this is a particular type of conversation, you know. but also, am I present? Am I listening to what's coming out of the other person's mouth and not just trying to listen to respond? Right. How am I? How am I gaining deeper understanding of who that person is on a soulful level by what's coming out of their mouth?

00:03:57:10 - 00:04:12:13
Unknown
That's a lot of work, by the way. It is. But it's it's quite a lot of homework. That's why it's called active listening. Right? Right. I mean, because I mean, yes. But then, for example, a lot of people are like, man, I can't believe you remember that fact about me. Oh, I can't believe you seem to know me so well after a short amount of time.

00:04:12:13 - 00:04:36:03
Unknown
Well, I'm fully present here right? And you tend to ask the questions because I listen deeply. Yeah, yeah. You asked deep questions about them as individuals because that's what I want to know. Yeah, I want to you actually get upset when people don't want to go there with you. I do like damn it, we're going to go deeper because then I get bored for it.

00:04:36:05 - 00:05:00:10
Unknown
Which would be, yeah, that's actually something I want to talk about what boredom is and how to, switch it up. So communication communication is just effectively. Hey, I'm going to the store. Hey, you didn't clean the dishes. you didn't wash the dishes. Hey, you should be. You should always, look both ways before, crossing the street.

00:05:00:13 - 00:05:24:18
Unknown
Yeah, it's just words being exchanged. Right? the go ahead. I think conversations that I really enjoy, too, which is kind of what you guys are getting through all of this is I'm. You're getting my kind of unfiltered stream of consciousness in verbal form. Yeah. And vice versa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just stream of consciousness. Right. So you so you get to know how I am, right?

00:05:24:20 - 00:05:53:10
Unknown
A lot of times people don't do that. They they just. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. I think an effective communicator is an individual, a person, man, woman or otherwise, who is able to share what's in their head, the story and experience. an expectation in such a way that the other person understands. Right. I'm going to I will pick you up at 5:00, on Friday so we can go to dinner.

00:05:53:16 - 00:06:14:17
Unknown
And that's effective communication. it could be a story. It's just a story that's well told in such a way that the other person understands. It feels your pain. It's your illustrate it. You share it. It's an effective form of communication. It could be a joke. It could be so. Well, it could be something like communication itself is everything right.

00:06:14:17 - 00:06:35:21
Unknown
And then there's obviously the the subliminal, the subconscious, the, body language. So it's all that. Right. But an effective communicator not only sets expectations on what they're going to do or what they expect from the the group, the family holds them accountable. Oh, not not the expert. But on the flip side of that is when they can't do it.

00:06:35:23 - 00:07:01:16
Unknown
They're also accountable. Yeah. Like, hey, I couldn't make it to pick you up at 5:00. That's on me. I'll be there at 515. I'm stuck in traffic. It's also continuously maintaining, adjusting. It's not just saying the thing is, but saying it in. And it's being an organic dynamic. Then that continues. a lot of people will tell you what they want done, but then they don't.

00:07:01:17 - 00:07:25:05
Unknown
They're not great at, actually modeling it like, hey, I want a lot of parents would do that. hey, I don't want you to ever fucking cuts, all right? You're a little boy. You shouldn't be fucking cussing. Yeah. And it's like, Is it fucking a curse word? But it's that disconnection from what you expect and what you actually do.

00:07:25:07 - 00:07:53:15
Unknown
modeling it and continuously being being accountable for it and holding others accountable. I think too many people will actually, say something, but not. And this is where, people lose respect. It's like, wait, you said this thing, but you did this other thing, so now you you're a liar. So you're an ineffective communicator. And really, I think what you're if we extrapolate that out a little bit more, you don't seem consistent.

00:07:53:15 - 00:08:14:02
Unknown
So because you're not consistent, I can't figure you out. There's no pattern. And because there's no pattern, I can't trust you. Because I can't trust you. That can't respect you. Oh, unless you respect them to be just human beings living in this world. I respect you because you're you're you're not a killer. Yeah. I mean, you trust a snake to be a snake.

00:08:14:04 - 00:08:32:06
Unknown
Yes. And that's what I meant earlier in the other podcast about I actually respect people that are consistent with who they are. A snake is a snake. a rooster is a rooster. Chicken is a chicken and a bunny. You know, I know that they're going to be consistent to those behaviors is when you pretend to not be that there's a problem.

00:08:32:11 - 00:08:53:03
Unknown
Now, this actually ties back to the other one. because I cannot trust what you're saying. Now, your ineffective communicator and people around you are not going to actually. And because you've lost respect for what that person is saying, it carries little to no value. So now why are you even talking? Yeah. Should we now? Should we in?

00:08:53:04 - 00:09:14:08
Unknown
No, no, we still like. No. I'm ready to hear what you said. You can't trust me. No. Not you, but I know, I know, I know, okay. effective communication right there. That's a good joke. Yes. I didn't catch it. He didn't catch it. I mean, I shaved, so I just want to. I think about this a lot because it just was something we talk about a lot.

00:09:14:14 - 00:09:41:06
Unknown
A lot. We expect other people to be good communicators. And. And we say it in our dialog all the damn time, but we're not doing it. So to that point, okay, I sometimes you it is my responsibility to try and get the information that I want. So if somebody is not communicating effectively, I'm going to start asking and actively listening and act more for the questions.

00:09:41:08 - 00:09:57:15
Unknown
You know, I can't judge the answer. If I ask better questions, I will get better answers. So yes. so I just start asking better questions. Like I said, I ask you questions because I'm asking better questions to get me more information that will give you more insight on the individual, more insight that'll keep me engaged in the conversation.

00:09:57:18 - 00:10:19:10
Unknown
Because if we're not talking about stuff that I care about, why do I care right? So with the girls, one of the big things that I did really well and I learned this in management, the class I used to teach this class, it was on, effective delegation. Okay. And the idea of effective delegation only, that's what the class was called, is.

00:10:19:10 - 00:10:52:14
Unknown
Hey, I want you to clean your room. Right. and I'm delegating to them to clean the room. However I did. I may not have. The truth is, in what time frame? What exactly does it need to look like? Have I ever modeled it? Have I ever explained specifically what a clean room looks like? So when you come back, if you as a parent, if you come back in that scenario and it's not clean to your standards and your expectation, they're going to say it is clean.

00:10:52:14 - 00:11:15:08
Unknown
Look, I picked up the laundry. the bed's made like it's clean. No, like when I say, when I say needs to be clean, this is what I mean. And now you start listening it out. So now it's after the fact. So there's a mismanagement of expectations, right? So you did not as a leader, as a, as a parent, effectively communicate I, I got that and made a lot of sense to me.

00:11:15:08 - 00:11:41:18
Unknown
So I started oh and second part to that is it wasn't clear. Did they understand the expectation. Did they understand the communication. So with that class with teachers, hey, tell them what you want. Tell them specifically how you want it, model it, show them, show pictures, whatever. Have them do it. Maybe a mini training session and then and this is the key is know in your own words.

00:11:41:20 - 00:12:07:10
Unknown
Tell me what you heard. What what what exactly are my expectations based on the words that came out of my mouth? Yeah. And because I really learned that in the management when I was in management with the girls, I did it all the time to the point where it was a non-issue and extended further to your point, we as individuals can also ask, all right, so you asked me to clean this room.

00:12:07:12 - 00:12:22:12
Unknown
So what this means to me is x, y and z, is that correct? No. Yeah. Because I've definitely had situations where somebody had asked me to do something and I would do it, and then they'd be like, that's not what I said. You didn't do it. You didn't do what I asked you. yeah, I did this, isn't it that.

00:12:22:13 - 00:12:42:03
Unknown
No. When I say this, I meant you to do this. Or rather. But you didn't do this. And now they're upset and frustrated. I have learned with time. I'm sorry, I did. I miss there was a misunderstanding. Because let's say when people tell me to clean something, I clean this. The counter, the floor. I didn't know you wanted me to drop.

00:12:42:03 - 00:13:01:01
Unknown
And and, some other random things, some random stuff. So things that you don't know. And we take some things for granted, especially like, you know, we're in a, like I mean, a lot of people from a lot of different parts of the world. Yes. So there's a lot of different use cultural things. And, and that's why I've learned to do it this way.

00:13:01:01 - 00:13:30:18
Unknown
I gotcha because I've been I've been burned a lot of times like, damn, we don't need it. Culturally, there's a difference of like, words mean different things. Oh oh my gosh. Yeah yeah. Oh yeah. So like the the understanding an effective communicator is one that's actually able to even confirm that the words that the story if it's instructional I need you to do x, Y and z that they understood what x was, what y was and what z was.

00:13:30:20 - 00:13:52:02
Unknown
That's an effective communicator to me. And I think too many times we assume the other person understands without asking for clarification, without actually with verification. Yeah. and to me, the second part to that is sometimes you are the person that's being communicated to. And I've had to ask my girlfriend since I'm like, all right, what does that look like exactly?

00:13:52:04 - 00:14:10:08
Unknown
I did for you? I get accused of being a lecturer a lot. You can be. Yeah, because you should be. Yeah, but that's also part of the beauty of you. I mean, it is. Yeah, it is. It's part of your personality. So carry on. What why why do you bring that up? Oh, because it's the same in an instructional way.

00:14:10:08 - 00:14:26:08
Unknown
So like I, you know, have a highly technical degree. So the way that I have been raised to communicate expectations and instructions is from very technical people who if you've spoken to anybody who is technical, they're going to read it to you like an instruction man. Right? So now I'm like, okay, so this is what you want to do.

00:14:26:08 - 00:14:39:23
Unknown
You want to do it this way, this way, that way. Don't do it that way. Because you and it's, it's I get it, I hear myself. It's a very luxury way. Yes it is, it is the way that I communicate these things. And some people like them. They get tripped. Oh, it's not like you talk down to me or you don't trust me, blah blah blah.

00:14:39:23 - 00:14:58:09
Unknown
Like. Oh, now we're getting to emotions. They're emotional reaction to the way you're speaking to them. But and it's just. And then there's also setting that expectation I've learned because I was like no of course not. But then that doesn't really address the issue. No I think a lot of you, you're incredibly smart and intelligent. I this is just how I need to I need to confirm that you're understanding.

00:14:58:09 - 00:15:18:11
Unknown
Yeah. And this is what gives me confidence for what I'm sharing with you is actually being heard. No knock on you. Yeah, right. Because likewise, people have their own ways that I have to conform to if I want to speak to them. Right, right. Because they're not going to understand if I say to my regular verbiage. So I got to understand that translation.

00:15:18:13 - 00:15:41:05
Unknown
Yes, I understand you had to also change the message for different people. I have two daughters. I gave them the exact same message for the most part. Sometimes I had to package it in different ways. You know your audience. Remember like a couple episodes ago, I said diamond. Yes. Diamond. Human. Diamond. Multifaceted. Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah. You have to be able to be flexible in that regard.

00:15:41:05 - 00:16:10:12
Unknown
Like just because it makes sense in your head doesn't mean it makes sense to the individual receiving it. Correct? It could be cultural. It be youth. Yeah. Like they're young and they like I don't understand what that either means in this assumption, I think. So on the parenting side, I think there's too many assumptions made by parents that the kid is going to understand, and depending on their age, it's like they literally they might be five years old, they have a couple of years of consciousness and understanding the human, the English language.

00:16:10:12 - 00:16:32:23
Unknown
And it's like, I told you to do this, why aren't you doing quadratic equations yet? Like it's yeah, sounds that dumb and is. And then add to that that they weren't modeling it. So between not modeling that desired behavior like, hey, I want the house cleaned, but I want your room clean, but the whole house is a pigpen.

00:16:33:01 - 00:17:00:12
Unknown
Then there's a disconnection. You're not an effective you're terrible communicator. I'm not a parent. You know you're not. I thank you, I am reconfirming, but I've seen some really cool videos of parents essentially taking this mindset with the offspring, right? Maybe some toddlers and say, okay, I understand you're upset. Why you're upset. Yeah, right. And it's an it's inviting that kind of like dialog and then setting the expectation like, okay, well you're upset because you didn't food okay I understand, but you don't need to cry or you can cry if you want.

00:17:00:12 - 00:17:16:15
Unknown
But like just having that dialog, you know, and get this all communication and you start doing it from a young age. You grew up to have fantastic daughters like yours that communicate with you very easily. Yeah. It's, it's definitely takes a lot of work. And that's the thing you said earlier when I mentioned you going on and on.

00:17:16:15 - 00:17:37:03
Unknown
Like, that takes a lot of work. And it does. I think once you get a lot of attention, a lot of intentionality. Yeah. You have to make sure that the message is crafted. You had to give some thought. You if you just fly off and you say a handful of words and then the expectation was, not only is the communication terrible, the expectation was not set.

00:17:37:05 - 00:18:02:17
Unknown
The other person is probably going to fail. And now you have a very bad situation, correct? Communication to me is is an essential part of something I think about almost every single day. Because I'm a writer. I'm an artist. I'm communicating through my pictures, and I want to make sure even, even in my pictures, that I'm communicating the desired emotion, the desired story to carry you along.

00:18:02:18 - 00:18:24:01
Unknown
so it's something that I spend probably way too much time on. But I like to think that because of that, I'm also pretty good about communicating and when and realizing when I've done a poor job like, oh shit, that's on me. Yeah, like you're in a relationship specifically, like something's not going right. I had an expectation that I did not communicate clearly.

00:18:24:03 - 00:18:47:21
Unknown
Yeah. And and it's like, fuck, I'm sorry, babe, that's on me. Let me rephrase it or let's let's back up a little bit. and let me explain it better. What I desired, what I was looking for, what I want like. And then obviously she can agree or disagree to do that, but it takes some time when you when you really study it at that level, you can actually know when you're screwing it up.

00:18:47:21 - 00:19:12:10
Unknown
It's you. It's the operator. Right? It's a it's a feature, not a function, not a failure of the system. Yeah. And I think it's like and we touch upon this a lot. So yeah, ask me is I think the thing is it makes like you got to be highly present and or I like to be highly present. And so I kind of gamify it.

00:19:12:10 - 00:19:42:18
Unknown
So it's fun, right. Because then if, if I'm not learning about something, if I'm not growing, then it can easily become very boring. And boring is when it's just an absence of, like, presence. I'm just I'm just here. I'm not really engaged, I'm not really attentive. And my energy's not going because where attention goes, energy flows. So and making it playful, talking about a different set of topics, talking about the things that are interesting to bots, I'm listening to find out what do you really like to talk about?

00:19:42:18 - 00:20:00:08
Unknown
What do you really like to engage in? Is it any kind of overlap in that Venn diagram with stuff that I like to engage in and discuss? Cool. Well, I know where we overlap here. So if I want to keep this dynamic, find a lot of work. Oh yeah. Oh really? I'm sure you know what I mean. Like, yes, yes.

00:20:00:10 - 00:20:17:18
Unknown
Oh yeah. You can't you can't do that with everyone. But you can do that with the person that you're in front of. So I can do that with everyone. The person in your room whoever. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Right. So I mean, because think about it like you've mentioned this before, like I have quite a lot of really good, solid people in my life.

00:20:17:20 - 00:20:40:05
Unknown
How? Because you, you're presence like you are one of the most engaging people I know. And the presence of you like you you, I mean, and you, you're one of the best parents that I see. You're right. Like, stop it. Carry on. His daughters are amazing. Hopefully you check out the podcast. More coming. I'm going to shut them out all the time anyway.

00:20:40:06 - 00:21:04:00
Unknown
so. But it takes work. Like life is for the living, and living takes effort, right? Living takes work. And if you want to have a life that you're happy with, you're proud of, of cross multiple, multiple different vectors, you got to apply some form of intentionality, whether it's on your mindset, emotionality, physique, health. I mean, you know, right.

00:21:04:02 - 00:21:29:10
Unknown
You you spoken fun. Yeah. Oh another term. Yeah. Playful playful play. I like to think that I'm a playful person. It's just my nature. Really. For real? For them. Like, I swear, one of the like, what is fun? Or when do you know that you're bored or not having fun? Like in a dance? When are you bored?

00:21:29:12 - 00:21:50:19
Unknown
When there's no engagement. So let's say we're dancing and you're giving something and somebody is receiving and something back to you. Follow lead, follow lead however. Right. it's not me just dogmatically saying do this blah blah blah. you know what I mean? Because then I'm just I'm just it's just me and you're communicating through your body at that point.

00:21:50:19 - 00:22:07:19
Unknown
I'm exactly right. Without words. Exactly. But when we're both engaged and when we're just like in conversation, we're both engage. We're picking different things that we know spark an interest in not only us, but the other person. Right. I'm not just talking about shit that I like to talk about, that I have no regard that you don't care about.

00:22:07:23 - 00:22:32:01
Unknown
Likewise, dancing. I'm not just going to do things that I want to do with no regard to what I sense feels good for you, because then there's only one of us having fun. And if we're not having fun while we doing this, yeah, you'll quickly disengage, tune out, check out. And they won't be a repeat customer. Whether it's and friendship, whether it's in dancing or anything else in life, what value are they getting?

00:22:32:03 - 00:22:50:05
Unknown
There's some fun has to be involved in some kind of value. Yes. One of the things I when I hosted the dance event the Monday night Zumba, I would say this all the time when people would ask me, how am I able to get people out and consistently be out? And it's because I've sold them on the idea that it was going to be fun.

00:22:50:07 - 00:23:05:20
Unknown
That was going to be it was going to be a fun thing to ask anyone to do anything with that. That being a part of it is, is foolish or being able to persuade them that it could be fun to give me a chance. And he would model this too, like in his events when you were at events.

00:23:06:00 - 00:23:28:13
Unknown
You. Yeah. I mean, you're bombastic, you're having fun. You're working with me. Yeah. And so you're you're inducing, you're modeling and inducing for the nobody else. Yeah. And if they choose to receive it, to give people to come out of their comfortable homes, drive across town and show up at an unknown place, they had to know that there was likely going to be fun with some level of competence.

00:23:28:15 - 00:23:59:13
Unknown
If we don't have fun, people become disengaged. and I feel like for me, it's one of the most essential things, like communication. Fun. Surprise. I studied improv years ago, and in doing so, that improv teaches you a lot. Improv teaches you how to play, how to how to play as adults, because we don't do it enough, how to play in conversations, how to play through our communication and learn many things.

00:23:59:13 - 00:24:20:10
Unknown
And I want to share a few of those lessons. there's one that is really known, as the. Yes. And it's one of the first things you learn when you go to improvise. Yes. And, and in communication, when we speak to each other and have a conversation too often we. Yes. But. We're like oh yeah that's cool.

00:24:20:10 - 00:24:44:12
Unknown
But and that but negates everything that said before it the fun happens when you. Yes. And because a couple of things are happening. Not only am I agreeing with you I'm adding. Now we're playing. The conversation becomes fun. It's orgasmic. And so it really is when, when when people are playing and we're adding and we're it's, it's a flow.

00:24:44:12 - 00:25:04:13
Unknown
Yes. Okay. Now you just now you're dancing. Come on. Now you're thinking is like yes. And when you're dancing you have the lead the follow your. Yes. You're doing an action. She's. Yes. And I'm gonna give you this and that's whatever. So like let's say from a lead perspective, one of us slips, one of us get something timing off, whatever we adjust.

00:25:04:13 - 00:25:24:06
Unknown
Yes. Okay. Yeah. We it's part of the the fucked up. But but yes. And. Yeah. Like, how can we create something? Okay. That's interesting. I never thought about the mitochondria lit studies of cellular development, but do you have you seen Star Wars. They have mitochondria that gives them force powers like. Well I mean it was that's a long reach.

00:25:24:06 - 00:25:47:03
Unknown
But you know what I'm saying. Yes. And like you're trying to figure out how does what. But you said yes. But by the way okay. And I know it sounds crazy, but notice it in conversations. for me, because this is the world I live in is it seems like it's fairly common knowledge. But as I've talked to people even in the last few years, I mean, I shared this or like, oh, wow, I never thought about that.

00:25:47:03 - 00:26:03:01
Unknown
Yeah, because I, I thought everybody it was common knowledge or they shared here or there when people say, but you're literally the butt cancels out the thing before. Yeah, yeah. so I know what you meant. Yeah. But you said but I'm like, yeah, wait, I'm confused now, where are you going? You know what? I'm. Yes. And you know what I mean?

00:26:03:01 - 00:26:30:17
Unknown
It's like it's like trying. Yeah. Don't try. And nothing be trying implies failure. Do your best. Yes, I'm doing my best. All right. Yoda. so you're on a Star Wars, platitude, right? I mean, so, yeah, you are, you are. So, yes. Ending it taught me that the conversation, any conversation can be fun. Like, you can listen and and listen and and.

00:26:30:20 - 00:26:49:17
Unknown
Yes and. Yes and and then you end up building this conversational dynamic together. We actually we do an extra we the first this literally the very first lesson you learn when you go to improv. yes. And is like, oh, that's interesting, that's cool. And then they have us play a game and the game is yes, but okay.

00:26:49:19 - 00:27:13:23
Unknown
So essentially, excuse me, like I want you to. Yes, but but yes. Okay. Hold on. I'm gonna say something. Are you gonna accept it? Like. Oh, okay. Cool, cool. Hey, dad says he wants to talk to you. Yes, but right now is in a good time. But he wants you to talk to him. Yes, and I'll talk to him later.

00:27:14:00 - 00:27:39:03
Unknown
Good. When you talk to you, totally check that up. You didn't follow the prompts. So what ends up happening in those exercises when you. Yes, but. Oh, consistently. Yes. But yeah. Okay. I'm a bad guy. The scene dies. Yeah. Because you. Oh yeah. Because you. Oh because I go ahead anyway. Because there's energy being transformed. Right. So if you think of it like a flow the but it's stopping that that flow.

00:27:39:05 - 00:27:59:04
Unknown
But when you say yes and it's more like you directed it, you know, like these on back and forth, like these aren't the droids you're looking for. Well, you just went there third, sir. He definitely was was beating me on that one. but yes, the yes but exercise literally nothing progresses and try this in your own day to day life.

00:27:59:04 - 00:28:23:08
Unknown
Talk to your spouse, talk to your family, play with it with this and just see what happens when you say yes, but or you know, it looks different. It'll be like, oh that's cool. But yeah, oh, I heard that. But yeah, yeah. you know, I heard that. And as a matter of fact, but in my experience that it, at it, I've also been there and that's what this is what I felt.

00:28:23:14 - 00:28:45:17
Unknown
Oh, wow. That's interesting. And like the it's the yes can sometimes be subliminal. It doesn't have to be overt. When we would do the extra. Yes. And exercises it would be overt. Yes. And. Yeah. Point is the conversation has to flow. It makes it fun because now we're both contributing. So there's not just one person talking. Correct.

00:28:45:19 - 00:29:09:12
Unknown
And the other person just there's two people in in dialog. So now if you kind of have kind of going back to what we've had, communication where you're setting expectations and listening for expectations and you're making that boundary setting or that expectation setting fun. By pulling in different formations, any interaction is bound to be orgasmic. It's bound to be, oh, it's bound to be.

00:29:09:14 - 00:29:29:13
Unknown
It's bound to be invigorating. Yes, I that's why I, I love talking to people. I love conversations because there's so much to learn. Yeah. And and if you just kind of open anybody anybody there's so many people have been through so much like just random people. It's just about time. Obviously, having the time to just sit down and have a conversation.

00:29:29:13 - 00:30:02:18
Unknown
But so continue that that improv idiom. Second lesson I learned is the and this is how we were terrible at listening. We're terrible at listening. We're really busy at listening to to speak instead of listening to absorb and actually understand what the other person is saying. and this becomes evident in improv because we're, we're playing pretend. You know, sometimes in the scenes we'd have 4 or 5 people and you're going to have to.

00:30:02:18 - 00:30:35:08
Unknown
Yes. And it it so someone is on the scene and they're, they're doing something. It can be a daughter and a father talking about college. And if you're over here in the background and you're not listening to what they're actually talking about, then for you to add on to the scene or take the scene somewhere else. Okay. So because they're too busy trying to find a joke or trying to figure out how they can go in there and shine instead of adding value to the conversation, that has been one of the biggest lessons I learned through improv is actively listening.

00:30:35:12 - 00:30:55:05
Unknown
We talk about it and we we say we need to do it. So I think this ties into quite a few things. If we're talking about like dynamics and I want to pivot a little bit. So let's say you're talking about either with yourself or with you and your romantic partner or friends or whatever. Right. Why are you bored with each other?

00:30:55:06 - 00:31:17:19
Unknown
Right? Are you are you continuing to grow and do different things or even with yourself? If I, if I'm bored, like I really get bored these days because there's so many different skills, techniques, things that I can, I can guess and within myself to grow and become even more of the person that I want to become. But what boring to me is when it's predictable and mundane.

00:31:17:19 - 00:31:35:08
Unknown
So when it becomes boring is like, oh, I know what's going to happen now. Like, okay, so let me ask you this. You mentioned that me, I'm a very consistent person. why am I not boring and mundane if I'm consistent? Because you can still say shit that's off the wall. You bring in Star Wars references three times in a podcast.

00:31:35:11 - 00:32:01:21
Unknown
I wasn't expecting that. Okay. Fair enough. but same thing in romantic dynamics or same thing and stuff like, are you guys playing still? Are you still having fun with each other, listening and exploring? And I mean, I think that's what a lot of people say that whole thing about, continue to date. Yeah. Exactly. Why? You know, because that's what you were exploring and finding out about each other, and you were outside of the day to day.

00:32:01:23 - 00:32:16:00
Unknown
And that's another thing I like. I think on the first podcast we did, I mentioned how, like people used to say, oh, college was the best years of my life. I'm like, why? Right? But you just College is a very exploratory time for a lot of people, right? They're saying yes and to a lot of new experiences, new situations.

00:32:16:02 - 00:32:29:21
Unknown
But then once they go out into the workforce, they truncate their life. Just like I don't think I wanted to pick up acro yoga. I don't think I want to take up dance. I just need to work. I don't want to do it. I had a pain. I don't want to learn how to pain. I don't know how to draw or or it's too much work I always want to do as a kid.

00:32:29:21 - 00:32:58:22
Unknown
But, Exactly. I feel, yeah, people don't want to fail. And you failing is your first attempt in learning. So go learn, go, go grow, and then your life will be exciting. And then you can bring all of those attributes to any dynamic, because now you have more substance to you to talk, discuss, share and learn. I think it's what, for me, when I have conversations with, allows people to really connect with me as I have a lot of yeah, I have a lot of hooks.

00:32:59:00 - 00:33:19:04
Unknown
You have, as they would say in coding, you have a lot of APIs. yeah. That's good. Yes. But for the non techie, I have a lot of hooks. Yeah. Like all of us ideally to have a good conversation, need to have a lot of hooks to us to, for people to connect to. Yeah. the dance I mean said you got the Star Wars reference.

00:33:19:04 - 00:33:36:15
Unknown
Some people would be like, I don't get it and I don't. I'm not a big Star Wars fan. But yeah, I knew enough. Regrettably, yes, I knew enough to connect to it. but if you don't have enough hooks, enough experience is to actually conversate or jump off for being like, oh, you, you do yoga, I do yoga, blah blah.

00:33:36:15 - 00:33:57:15
Unknown
We're always looking to connect and make my foot touch my head and like, can you really make sure that no, no, no, actually he can't. I know that no, I don't think he's painting. But I mean, well, that was fun. just trying to make it like. I forgot what I was going to say. You threw me.

00:33:57:15 - 00:34:18:21
Unknown
I'm like, oh, he's doing this. you. I forgot what I was gonna say. You're literally. Oh, shit. He's doing it. sometimes fun is just a matter of seeing something differently. Oh, yeah. Surprising people. Yeah. Like, oh, one of the the things that I do often that improv taught me was just say something differently. It was shock.

00:34:18:21 - 00:34:37:19
Unknown
People say something that they're not expecting. It could be answering the very same question, but saying it in such a way that it gathers a lot because people are people are always guessing what you're going to say next. You know, Teevee with all the assholes. I know you are the furthest asshole from being an asshole that I can imagine.

00:34:37:21 - 00:34:52:21
Unknown
And what did I just say? That I am an asshole? No, you're the first. You're the furthest asshole from being an asshole. Essentially, you're a nice guy. If you're far away from being an asshole, you're a pretty nice guy. But you're the furthest asshole. I mean, okay, well, so you still call me an asshole. It's a double negative.

00:34:52:22 - 00:35:09:13
Unknown
You're right. It's a double negative. Is that what we did? It's a double negative. It turns into a positive, right? Jesus Christ, what what I could have just said. I could have just said. Yeah, you're a nice guy. Yeah, right. But saying it differently. People are bored. We're born in life. We're scrolling on social media every single day.

00:35:09:15 - 00:35:39:17
Unknown
If we're not doing something slightly different, like we're tired of the same story, did you know that one out of every four shit, I forgot, one out of every four statements that we make is a metaphor. Damn. So I'm one fourth metaphor, correct? Oh, there. I said the same. The problem, the problem with that is people, when we speak in metaphor and we speak in the story, the problem is we are all sharing the same metaphors.

00:35:39:19 - 00:36:04:14
Unknown
So we're all very predictable. Well, you know, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, but that's what having a broad set of experiences will give you new material to pull new metaphors, us new stories from. And that's why I like, as I mentioned, yes, and to your life. Right. Because when you go out into the world and you have experiences, you can bring that knowledge about other cultures, other places you've visited, other dances you've done, other.

00:36:04:14 - 00:36:41:01
Unknown
For the first time, I went to a really good improv show. I was blown away. Because this guy was able to, like, just jump in and out of scenes. He was an amazing, amazing talent, but I couldn't figure out why he was so good because then I started doing it like, I just I struggle and there's obviously struggle because of the new, but the more I thought about it, one one of the biggest reasons is he just had more experience as a friend without that point of those those experiences and those points of references, then yeah, you can and this is the second part to it.

00:36:41:03 - 00:37:02:13
Unknown
Anything goes. You're playing pretend you can be floating in outer space. You could be digging a ditch in Uranus. That was a terrible like you could be digging a ditch in another planet. I wasn't trying to go there. That's not the type of podcast that is trying to be. You can, you can have 25 kids with 25 moms.

00:37:02:13 - 00:37:24:13
Unknown
This is all made up, so anything goes. But between being willing to experiment and try different things and then also having a deep set of experiences to pull from like that allows you to have a rich conversation. So let's let's drive this to a point, drive it to I feel like we've been doing a lot of circular talk.

00:37:24:15 - 00:37:42:12
Unknown
Okay, go for it. No, no, I'm asking you. Oh, you're asking me? Yes. well, I was just trying to share what I had learned from improv. And it's improv for me is something that I think everyone should take, because it's going to teach you how to play with other people, how to inject humor and just be different.

00:37:42:18 - 00:38:00:03
Unknown
I like that, and I think I'll go a little bit broader. I think whether it's journaling, whether it's stretching, whether it's physical activity, you need to do something that stokes your artistic flair. Because once you start getting artistic in one area of life, you're going to start doing so in verbal communication. You can start doing so in your career.

00:38:00:03 - 00:38:17:18
Unknown
You're going to start taking fantastical risks that hopefully you calculate and you're going to you're going to create a lifestyle for yourself that is based on things that you're interested in, and you're going to style life and lifestyle. You're going to be creative. You're going to be an artist for you. I love that style. Your life. Yeah. Okay.

00:38:17:19 - 00:38:37:13
Unknown
How are you? I know I never thought I never broke that word apart. Yeah. I mean, so I, I think that's why the arts are so important to many people. Too few people really invest in the arts, whether it's music, dancing, something because we need that, right? We need we need expression. It's it's a form of expression is a form of communication.

00:38:37:18 - 00:38:56:00
Unknown
Because you have to be present with your art. You can't just copy and paste. You can't be able to convey the idea that you're trying to portray and get and get into a flow state, and flow state means, basically, that you're so hyper aware that you can adjust to, you know, the outputs, the outcomes of your inputs, and you can adjust to when something is not exactly there.

00:38:56:00 - 00:39:16:21
Unknown
Hence dancing. You're so hyper aware somebody just just for sure. For context, we're dancers. So that's why the metaphor is I'm dancing. Keep coming up. Yes, yes, that's how we met. Dancers. For those that maybe just tuning in for the first time metaphors on dancing. We're going to continue coming up. Yeah. Dancing. We're dancers. Yeah, yeah, I agree to me that.

00:39:16:21 - 00:39:35:04
Unknown
I just want to clarify. I know my foot just touched my head, but I'm talking about pole. This is like Latin dancing. This is like African dancing. This is partner social dancing. He loves it. to two key thing that that I felt taught me how to communicate and how to be artistic was dance. Because to me dance is improv.

00:39:35:04 - 00:39:58:21
Unknown
Improv is dance and life is dance and life is improv. Infusing that idea, you kind of just wrap it up. In a sense, having fun is just essentially surprising people being surprised in shock at all sometimes, like saying the damnedest thing. Yeah, nothing is sacred, but everything is divine. Sometimes walking out butt naked and surprising your partner like, whoa, I wasn't expecting that.

00:39:58:23 - 00:40:20:00
Unknown
hopefully the children are not. But imagine they're like, you're laughing. Why are you laughing? because it's funny, right? Imagine Carla's like, oh, you're like, oh, it's that kind of night. Yeah, it is. Now let's prep. Yeah. Whoa. I mean, prep because I'm helping in the kitchen, but. Right. You cook all oil gets on you. That's a meal prep, not cooking.

00:40:20:00 - 00:40:36:23
Unknown
Okay. Yeah. All right, get an apron. We have aprons. Okay. Now, look, I'm not going to do. But naked, I have. There's this. I had to protect myself. but, yeah, even something like that, I'm sure it would spice up it. If you're living together, it works like it. Get them really fast if you're not doing some wild shit.

00:40:36:23 - 00:40:54:23
Unknown
I mean, we're just saying things off the wall or saying it and singing it. Earlier I was singing to her. There was before. Right before you got here, there was, this guy I was freestyling. Yeah. This guy, and, she was she was kind of not necessarily in a great mood. She was in her head. She was doing a lot of things.

00:40:54:23 - 00:41:12:22
Unknown
She was cutting up some things. Prepping for the night. And I have this instinct to do this kind of thing. But there was some music playing out loud is what we were listening to her earlier. Oh yeah, that was some dope. I know, I just discovered them. Yeah, I think they're a blues band. Yeah, yeah. And, but I like the rhythm.

00:41:12:22 - 00:41:28:23
Unknown
And I had been playing for a while, so I started just singing to her because I like to think that I can. I can freestyle like that. And I just made it up. It's just follow the melody. And now, little by little, you can see her smile. She wasn't trying to reveal it, but I it's so damn cute.

00:41:29:00 - 00:41:40:18
Unknown
It is. It is cute. And it made her smile. The reason I'm bring I keep I'm circling around on this topic is because a lot of people are bored.

00:41:40:20 - 00:42:14:00
Unknown
Not you. It's literally you're having fun. A lot of people are bored. they have boring conversations. They have boring life. And I see that a lot. And it's not because I think my life is that much fun is just because I. In simple conversations, I'm able to infuse something, something to spike the conversation. I'm going to spike the emotion of my girlfriend, noting when the conversation is waning and being able to just say something different or sing to your partner or who you're interviewing about, like just the sheer act of changing the expectation in that moment.

00:42:14:01 - 00:42:33:19
Unknown
Every moment we're predicting what the other person is going to say, because that's what our mind is doing, is trying to fill in the gaps and anticipate. So that way they can already start to respond. But if you can break up the monotony and say something different or just pivot and start talking about pigs, you know, pig, what the how do we get the pigs?

00:42:33:21 - 00:42:53:05
Unknown
You can you anything can be fun. Play can be involved in our day to day. It's just up to us to actually know how to do that or when to do that, or when to just surprise the system. That's it. What you got? I mean, actually, I left, I left and, speechless for a moment there. It's not like you, I concur.

00:42:53:05 - 00:43:14:18
Unknown
I mean, yeah, I think it's terribly important. And, because life is hard. I mean, like, we're not trying to say that we don't have our challenges. We absolutely do. but I make sure my challenges are fun. Yeah. And you just extract the lessons that you can and move on. And not every not every endeavor goes well.

00:43:14:18 - 00:43:40:12
Unknown
Not every relationship is successful. Not every, you know, in fact, every relationship before the one you're in, it's failure. I mean, yeah, I guess you could say that it failed. but it didn't continue it. It wasn't a long if you're looking at it, if you're looking at longevity as a marker of success, good. Which is not necessarily a good indication because the people who are in some long ass relationships and have been unhappy for a long time dead on.

00:43:40:12 - 00:44:04:01
Unknown
So gotcha. It depends on yes, you know, what is what is your metric for success? Yeah. What's your expectation for a successful relationship? Yes. Or a successful friendship or a successful boom boom boom boom boom. and things can change as you get older, but. Or as we just mature and grow differently. But I think all the things that we're talking about is just really bring more attention and mindfulness to yourself into your life.

00:44:04:03 - 00:44:19:18
Unknown
yes. Because ultimately that's really what we're saying. And then explore, have fun. It's like dancing. Yeah. You just the basic steps in any dance. You can have such a wonderful night. No need to do such a no complicated moves. No nothing. Just do the basics a little differently. Let's say it's something like, I don't know, like a salsa.

00:44:19:18 - 00:44:35:23
Unknown
Instead of doing it this way, do it this way. I'll do it in a circle, I'll do it, blah blah blah. Like, or zouk or kizomba or something like this. There's so many different ways to to play with life and with your career. How can you take a little bit more risk? Maybe you can take a different project.

00:44:36:01 - 00:44:52:09
Unknown
Obviously this is going to mean more work, but it's also going to give you more visibility. It's going to give you want this this in the third. This is actually a great topic. we can zoom or not jump into, but maybe maybe take risk being able to take a risk. Yeah. Like because you cannot play without taking a risk.

00:44:52:09 - 00:45:07:18
Unknown
The essence of play is to take risks. Yeah. You're going to you're going to push the envelope a little bit. So I'm gonna walk up butt naked for my for my partner. There was a risk there if you like. I ain't feeling. But she's going to feel like she was. She was definitely interested. But there was a risk.

00:45:07:20 - 00:45:24:18
Unknown
There's a risk that she wasn't in the mood for that type of humor. Like by being funny. There is. I mean, I read this in a study. Humor. what makes something funny is when there's the comedian is saying something this slightly risky. Oh, yeah. When you cross that line too much, now you're just being saying something offensive.

00:45:24:18 - 00:45:40:05
Unknown
Correct. But like that will offend the greater deal of the population. And there's always somewhere I think that it goes back to expectations. Like I like a lot of dark humor, but if somebody actually knows me, I'm pretty nice guy. But if they don't know me like this guy's a dick. Yeah, like your dick. And you are an asshole.

00:45:40:07 - 00:46:01:01
Unknown
But you're a funny asshole. You're the furthest asshole. Oh, God. From the moon of the ass. Like, I don't know, from Uranus. You know, when some. When things become funny. Yeah. When there's a point of reference. Oh, absolutely. So reference was established earlier in the conversation. You know what they call that in hypnosis? An anchor. Correct? Yeah. It's all related.

00:46:01:01 - 00:46:19:09
Unknown
It's it's not connected. Is that related? And that's a whole nother topic we can get. It's so with that, we will end, I don't know what to tell you. We're having a conversation. Two dudes talking. We're having fun. We're having fun. It's philosophical. there isn't a general idea where I want these conversations to go. And I think we we covered a handful.

00:46:19:11 - 00:46:41:14
Unknown
We talked about conversations, and when we when we can be. What? How do we know when we're having, an effect? We're talking to an effective communicator or when we're becoming effective, as well as how to have fun and how I have found the idea of sparking every day to day interaction with some form of surprise.

00:46:41:14 - 00:46:59:20
Unknown
And make sure to add some fun and spice to it. I don't encourage you to walk out butt naked on just anyone. Make sure that it's your significant other or someone that is in agreement and consensual and consenting and consenting adults in a private space, ideally, or maybe in a public space that just has that kind of policy.

00:46:59:22 - 00:47:22:04
Unknown
It's up to you. Like there's policy you do what you do, what you do. so it it's just two guys talking, you're having an insight into our conversations, into how we frame our thoughts, what how we think about life, how we think about different situations. And, you know, imagine if you were just here sitting with us and, you know, like, how would you go to your guy friends and you just chat?

00:47:22:04 - 00:47:43:06
Unknown
Yeah. In an ideal scenario, if you were chatting here, you'd be adding and we'd be sending the shit out of that. And with that, thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure to check out the other episodes if you're watching this on iTunes. give us a review. Drop us a comment on YouTube. What was your favorite moment from this podcast, or what was your what you hated the most?

00:47:43:08 - 00:48:06:08
Unknown
What did you what did you not like? I don't care, talk to me. Drop it in the comments. Drop in the comments. Yes, and if you have any questions, let us. Yes, we would love to get your questions to talk about. You know. So until next time, thank you very much. This is Teevee Chris. and two men talking about their feelings.

00:48:06:10 - 00:48:06:23
Unknown
Bye bye.