The Role of Fatherhood in My Personal Transformation

00:00:00:06 - 00:00:17:01
Unknown
Hey, everyone. Today I wanted to talk to you about something that's really, really important to me. And I think maybe some of you could benefit from. And that's the idea of becoming a parent. I am a father. But not only am I a father, but I'm a father to a 22 year old. So that's why today is important.

00:00:17:01 - 00:00:42:18
Unknown
My daughter turned 22 today, December 9th. And since then, she has also become a mother and made me a grandfather, which is kind of stupid if you think about it. Like I'm a grandfather. Look at me. There's no way. But clearly there is. This is the story of how I kind of got here. Because truth be told, is I had no idea how I was going to get here.

00:00:42:18 - 00:01:08:04
Unknown
I was absolutely clueless as to how I was actually going to provide. So at the time, I was married to her mother and we actually had two other she had two other children. I was their stepfather, loved them dearly, immensely. And they helped start training me on becoming a dad. And that was hard. That was hard because I went from not having any to having two.

00:01:08:04 - 00:01:40:08
Unknown
Then on, what is it until 20 in 2002 and then have, baby, my own baby. And it was, it was crazy because I was absolutely scared of the idea. Scared of being a father. Like having my own child. Like, how will I provide? How will I how will we make it like I the idea of starving, the idea of not having a place to live was something that scared the crap out of me, and it forced me to make a lot of tough choices.

00:01:40:08 - 00:02:08:17
Unknown
And that's kind of the I guess the point of this entire video is that parenting and having children is kind of crazy. Having children, especially nowadays, it's expensive. It is an expensive endeavor. And things even more now, like 20 years later, 22 years later, things are even more expensive with inflation and whatnot. So having children is a is a, a real challenge.

00:02:08:19 - 00:02:29:09
Unknown
And most people would even say that it's not even a smart one, but there's something compelling us as human beings to have children. And for me, it was the same. I did want to be a father. Had my mother obviously breathing down my neck about being being a grandmother contaminating contaminate or, a Mexican, so, pardon the Spanish.

00:02:29:11 - 00:02:52:08
Unknown
So I wanted to have children, and I knew that this was something that I desired. And I feel like it was my way to give it to the world. I know, sounds crazy, right? But I think one of the things that we underestimate at least for me, this is my story, right, is that having children, becoming a parent forces you to grow up.

00:02:52:10 - 00:03:13:14
Unknown
Now, obviously, the truth is, a lot of parents don't grow up. A lot of parents are unable to actually put the pieces together in their life or repair, themselves in a way to actually show up in, in a, in the best way possible for their children. But for me, I took I took the job seriously.

00:03:13:16 - 00:03:39:07
Unknown
It forced me to grow up. Up until that point, I had, been dreading I was in management before. So from the age of, like, what, 18 to 20? I was in management, 18 to. Yeah, to 20 something. I can't even do the math now. As soon as I turned 18, I became a manager. And then somewhere about 5 or 6 later, 5 or 6 years later, I decided the management wasn't for me because I hate it.

00:03:39:12 - 00:04:01:18
Unknown
I. I actually hate management. I hate being in charge. But I got into it because it just worked out that way. And I made a little extra money, but then I decided to get out of it as soon as I had a chance, and I was hiding. I was hiding from it. But then, I did everything I could to prevent myself from ever being asked to be in management again.

00:04:01:20 - 00:04:25:23
Unknown
I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to have to worry about anybody else. I just wanted to punch out and go home and do my job. I was in the grocery grocery business for for my most of my early life. But then my child, my my wife got pregnant. And so it changed everything. It forced me to, to step up and just take the role on because it paid better.

00:04:26:00 - 00:04:42:23
Unknown
And I did it. I jumped in back into management, even made the tough decision of going doing nights right before she she was do like the last six months before she was due. They asked me if I would be willing to be a night manager. I decided to do that. It paid an extra $150 a day.

00:04:42:23 - 00:04:58:20
Unknown
I had never done that kind of job, and my mentor actually said that it was. It was a dumb idea that I shouldn't do it, that they're going to just bury me in nights and that then, I'll never make it out and actually do something with my career. I have at the time, I wasn't at that point.

00:04:58:20 - 00:05:18:13
Unknown
I wanted to be in management, to continue growing to and to make more money so I can provide for my family. But eventually that that actually became troublesome as well, because in that business and at that time, I don't know what it's like now that's it's been 15 years, 16 years since I quit. It required that I work six days a week.

00:05:18:15 - 00:05:37:17
Unknown
It work hard. That and then my my ex-wife used to get furious that even though my schedule says I get off at eight, I probably won't get home till 930 to 10 and used to piss her off because at the end of the day, it's just a suggestion. Essentially, you're as a manager, I'm on salary. You don't get off on time.

00:05:37:19 - 00:05:59:08
Unknown
And it was a gruesome battle, but it was one of those things. As a parent, I think many of you will recognize this. You don't have a choice. If it means making extra money, you will do it to try to really make ends meet. And now I have I'm going to have three children. Right. So I did what I could, so it took the night manager job, made $150 extra a month.

00:05:59:08 - 00:06:18:18
Unknown
And then when she was born, I actually tried to bounce out and they gave me a hard time. But eventually, because I started actually doing a good job, turned it around a little bit and, and they didn't want to let me go, but I ended up training the next guy, and they let me go. They let me get back on days and but nonetheless, I still had to work six days a week.

00:06:18:20 - 00:06:46:19
Unknown
All right. One of the things that nights did allow me to do is to be in, in the girls lives, in my family's life, by actually being present, although it was kind of like, was it daydreaming, walking in my sleep because I couldn't, I was I was awake, but I wasn't really participating because I would get off like at 6 or 7:00 at night, take a nap and then go to the parties, or try to attend events or try to do things with the family.

00:06:46:19 - 00:07:04:14
Unknown
But I was actually daydreaming and that was actually not. Think about it. Forgot about this part. Another reason that I did take that job is because I felt like I could build my business, and at the time I was learning Photoshop and I started this little business on doing Photoshop restoration, photo restoration. Now it's so easy with I.

00:07:04:16 - 00:07:26:09
Unknown
But back then it involved a lot of work and I actually partnered with this little shop there at the store where people would bring their photos and I would restore them, or I removed people from, you know, how you have people, couples that, are married or together and they want the picture removed, or in some cases, they want the kid closer, or old photos of grandma.

00:07:26:11 - 00:07:48:18
Unknown
I restored a lot of things, and it was cool. I actually really enjoyed it. And that's how I first started learning Photoshop. So it was beneficial because Photoshop later would prove to be my my inroads into making money online. That's another story for another day. But the problem was. Nobody wanted to pay me the money that I needed to get paid for.

00:07:48:18 - 00:08:17:11
Unknown
Doing the work that I was doing. It was unaffordable for most people and for being honest. The market, the place that I was actually trying to sell this to, they couldn't afford it. I was I was being unreasonable. So it it didn't work out. I guess what ended up happening, now that I look back at it, is that I was able to practice to train at Photoshop, using it, at being proficient because that was my first attempt at learning it and doing it, and it was my excuse to develop that skill.

00:08:17:11 - 00:08:48:14
Unknown
But then I had a second chance right? My second daughter was born, 2004. And okay, that just it got harder and harder. And then I got divorced. So things everything escalated really fast, and I knew that I had to do something for them. So I had to quit and I had to take big risks for them. I had I felt like in my heart, like I could really, really do something with learning online marketing.

00:08:48:17 - 00:09:07:10
Unknown
Then my second child was born, then I got divorced. Everything just escalated and it got more and more difficult. I didn't take my job as a father lightly and I definitely made a lot of mistakes. The relationship fell apart. We stopped loving each other. We stopped caring about each other. We stopped everything just started not to work out.

00:09:07:12 - 00:09:28:01
Unknown
And it became apparent that I needed a divorce, had continued to work in the grocery stores and everything was going okay. But I realized that I was not happy and that I needed to take another big risk. And as I mentioned earlier, I had started to learn Photoshop. So I started learning how to design stuff and had to continue developing that skill.

00:09:28:01 - 00:09:52:17
Unknown
I enjoyed it, it was fun, and I started making money online. I started studying how to do internet marketing and I the graphic design actually helped me believe that it was possible. I partnered up with an old friend of mine, a good friend of mine that I had started to that I started to connect with, and I met an in communication class and we started building a little business and parenting.

00:09:52:17 - 00:10:20:02
Unknown
Having my daughters really forced me to take risks that I don't think I would have ever taken, and that's the biggest point that I'm trying to make. I had to take some big risks. Now they're big and they're risky, but there were calculated. I felt like in my heart that I can make this thing work. My daughter, my 22 year old daughter, was the first one to really push me in a way that I don't think I ever would have pushed myself.

00:10:20:06 - 00:10:41:12
Unknown
She didn't notice. Obviously she's just a little girl and neither did my other kid. But I needed to grow up. I needed to scale up, get better, level up as they say. No, And I needed to become the man that they would look up to. I needed to become the man that they would admire. And I needed to just grow the fuck up.

00:10:41:13 - 00:11:02:00
Unknown
I had a vision for my family. I had a vision for how I wanted to show up, and because of them, I had to become a businessman. I had to I had to become something that I never was before. Before I was in retail, I was a grocery manager, and then later I was a trainer. But, for a couple of years, I was actually in the training department.

00:11:02:00 - 00:11:20:16
Unknown
But for the primary chunk of that time, I was in retail. I was at the stores. I didn't have to do anything but do customer service, try to manage people. I had a bunch of people running around in different departments, and then obviously the customer is trying to manage them in terms of their satisfaction. So I didn't have to do any marketing.

00:11:20:16 - 00:11:58:06
Unknown
It was my personality, and managing human beings and trying to move them one direction or the other and try to keep them playing nice with each other and I think that was although it was difficult, and at the time it didn't seem like it was actually useful. I now know that all that time I spent managing human beings was incredibly beneficial, and I find that today is part of the reason why I have a decent life and have a pretty happy life is because I was able to manage human beings for so long that I know how to move them around, or how to manage the relationships in a way that benefits mostly everyone.

00:11:58:06 - 00:12:19:20
Unknown
No, I'm not going to say 100%, because sometimes you have bad relationships that just don't work out right. But between that experience and then just willing to take a risk and learning how to be in business and learn marketing, it helped me become the man that I am. And I will also add that management and this would be the topic for another video.

00:12:19:20 - 00:12:57:18
Unknown
We can dive in a little more management, actually, to help me become a better father, I realized that when you manage human beings is the same as managing a family, managing expectations, having deadlines, being able to manage personalities. It was all beneficial and I would use those skills at home. It became incredibly clear to me when I when I went to the training department, I did a couple years in the training department and I used to teach, and I was teaching leadership and management skills, and I was doing that because when I realized, oh, this is this is beneficial in every aspect of life, I just didn't know it was a skill.

00:12:57:18 - 00:13:18:03
Unknown
I just thought it was a thing you do. And that was before I was knowledgeable as to skill sets and and anything like this in this space. I just did things and didn't know there was a word for it. That goes to show you how clueless I was. But to me, parenting has helped me become. Being a father has helped me become the man that I really, really, really wanted to be.

00:13:18:05 - 00:13:42:01
Unknown
And then realize that, and I actually read this somewhere, is that this generation and I'm not saying this to poo poo on the young generation because they don't want to have children because I don't blame them. It's hard and it's challenging and it's expensive and it's hard to even just take care of yourself. But this individual I want to say is, Scott Galloway says that this generation struggles because they're not making mistakes.

00:13:42:01 - 00:14:01:10
Unknown
They're not out there fucking around as much as we were. They're not making mistakes. They're not getting drunk. They're not getting high. They're they're actually being much more responsible. Because if I was being absolutely responsible, I never would have had my girls. If I was being 100% responsible, I never would have made the mistake of getting married.

00:14:01:12 - 00:14:23:05
Unknown
And I say that not as an insult to my my ex-wife, because my kids are the best thing that happened to me. And it happened because of my marriage. And had I not made the mistake of getting into a relationship, they wouldn't have happened. And I'm grateful for that. So thank you to my daughters. Thank you. To fair and then my other daughter turned 20 a month ago.

00:14:23:05 - 00:14:42:16
Unknown
So it's kind of both of them. It's fresh on my mind. Still difficult to believe that I'm as old as I am and that I have girls this old. And then I'm a grandfather. So if you're still listening to this and you're wondering how are you going to make it? Keep trying, man. Keep plugging away. Keep working on yourself.

00:14:42:18 - 00:14:54:02
Unknown
It gets better, it gets easier. But be honest and check in with yourself and realize that it all starts with you. My name is Teevee. Thank you for tuning in. Have a great day.