Why People Love Me for saying 'No'—And Sometimes Hate Me for It Too

00:00:00:01 - 00:00:20:11
Unknown
Have you ever been ghosted on a business call? Or perhaps by even a friend? Or maybe that's you that's avoiding that awkward. No. And here's the thing we all hate giving and hearing. No, we're essentially rejecting or being rejected when we hear that. What if I told you that learning to hear and say no could be one of the most freeing skills that you could develop.

00:00:20:13 - 00:00:42:23
Unknown
So let's talk first. Let me share with you why I am so motivated to share this particular lesson, because it's really personal. It's something that I've been noticing a lot. Just by living life I know is a very, very powerful word. For some reason, that little word, two letters gets us into so much crap, both voluntarily and involuntarily.

00:00:43:00 - 00:01:03:12
Unknown
The reason I'm especially motivated to share this today is because I was ghosted yesterday. I had a business call with someone that I knew and have known for 4 or 5 years at this point. I thought, we have a decent friendship. We're not close by any means, and we're just some business is acquaintances. She used to work for someone that I used to do work a lot, and she's known me well.

00:01:03:12 - 00:01:18:09
Unknown
I haven't crossed any boundaries. I hadn't done anything crazy, but I thought that maybe we could be business partners and maybe we can work together. She's in the same space that I'm in, and maybe we can help each other out. So I reached out to her and asked her if she'd be interested in the idea. She said, yeah, maybe.

00:01:18:14 - 00:01:43:11
Unknown
I said, cool, would you be okay with maybe doing a zoom call next week or two yesterday? She said yeah. And she gave me her email and I sent her an email limitation, a calendar invitation. Everything was great. Or so I thought, because I show up to the call yesterday and she does it, she doesn't show up. So I wait a while away to while, and then I go to message her on Facebook to say, hey, you're still coming on.

00:01:43:13 - 00:02:06:15
Unknown
And from the best I can tell, she's blocked me and deleted me. There is no person there anymore. No, I could be over exaggerating the whole thing, but the timing of it all just seems too coincidental. I can't even find her on Facebook, whereas before she had 3 or 4 profiles. Which then begs the question, what did I do wrong so that I crossed some boundaries that maybe I shouldn't have crossed?

00:02:06:15 - 00:02:29:04
Unknown
Did I do something? Did I say something? And I know for a fact I didn't. I don't operate like that. I always maintain a high level of integrity, especially when I'm talking to females, because I don't want one to ever be accused of anything wrong. Now, having confirmed that internally, the only other thing that I can think of, which makes perfect sense, is that she was at unable able to say no to me.

00:02:29:06 - 00:02:49:22
Unknown
And as a general practice, what I try to do now, when I ask people for a favor or for any request like this is I try to preface it with feel free to say no. You're under no obligation. And it's an interesting little line that I add, and it lets people off the hook and lets them know that they're empowered to say no, when in reality they're always empowered.

00:02:49:22 - 00:03:09:18
Unknown
But for some reason, people have a tough time with that. So then it begs the question, why do we struggle to say no? Here's my theories. At best, this is all I can think of. I've lived a good amount of life, and I've concluded that it comes down to a couple of things. One, I think essentially we've been conditioned throughout our lives and we've been raised to be good, really individuals.

00:03:09:20 - 00:03:32:08
Unknown
Now, I don't know personally if that was ever expressed explicitly, implicitly said to us that, hey, if someone asks you for something, always say yes. But for some reason I feel like it plays itself out when it relates to question, when people are asking us for things. And I think that's one of the big lessons. Just because people ask you for things does not mean that you're required to do it, is it is a question?

00:03:32:09 - 00:03:58:03
Unknown
No. If it's your girlfriend or boyfriend or your boss, then it might actually be an expectation and a demand. But in most cases, in most cases, it really is a question. And for some reason we have a tough time saying no. So then we say yes. Better yet, we we dodge it. We actually go around and around and we're like, let me check my calendar, let me get back to you.

00:03:58:05 - 00:04:17:23
Unknown
We do all these weird things to deflect for the moment so we can say no later down the line, because in their face we have a tough time saying no. And it to me is silly. But what ends up happening in many cases, and I know this has happened with me, with with a handful of people in my lives, they'll end up messaging me later saying I can't make it.

00:04:17:23 - 00:04:33:18
Unknown
Or worse yet, they just don't say anything. They just they just blow it off and go to me. But without ever committing to it. The worst case scenario of all that is when they do say yes and then they just don't show up or they give me a last minute, oh, I can't make it. My kid has diarrhea.

00:04:33:23 - 00:04:55:04
Unknown
I'm sorry. Kids do sometimes have diarrhea. So that is a valid excuse and justification. But you know, it happens a lot. Are you tired of burning through your marketing budget faster than you can say, ROI? Posting on social media, crickets, running ads more crickets. Watching your marketing strategy flop like a fish out of water while you quietly sob into your coffee.

00:04:55:06 - 00:05:18:19
Unknown
Fear not. This episode of the Teevee show Podcast, brought to you by, well, me Teevee, the marketer founder Rockstar. I'm marketing here to stop the madness. We take your marketing dollars and actually make them do something like work one video content and as a stop your audience from scrolling faster than they stop for a baby panda video. Yeah, we do that so you don't setting your marketing dollars on fire because it rockstar marketing.

00:05:18:19 - 00:05:41:11
Unknown
And let's turn those crickets into cash. Now why do we hate theory? No, I think then on some level we feel like it's an we feel like it's an attack on us. Maybe we're not good enough. Maybe we don't deserve the attention or the the yes from that individual. And I think that's if we're going to do this right, and we're going to get better at saying no and receiving no.

00:05:41:13 - 00:05:56:04
Unknown
It starts with us. We have to get better at hearing know people. When you ask them for a favor, do have a choice. I've actually told my girlfriend this on some instances I'm like, honey, honey, she'll ask me for something and and then, you know, I'll say no, because I try to practice this and try to be direct.

00:05:56:06 - 00:06:14:22
Unknown
And she's like, okay. And then, you know, she's lost her mind a little bit. And I'll ask her, say, hey, babe. It sounded like it. I didn't really have a choice in your asked in your question and your request. And she's like, oh, there she is. She stopped and really you evaluate it and we're able to talk about it.

00:06:14:22 - 00:06:31:05
Unknown
And I know that sounds a little aggressive, but I promise it is. It is just me trying to identify like, hey, what's happened all of a sudden? I'm under attack or I'm being you. You're, you're you're coming at me. And I'm like, all I said was no to your request. I thought it was a question. I thought it was a request, not a demand.

00:06:31:07 - 00:06:48:18
Unknown
And that was my way of trying to address the obvious thing that's happening because I think that she felt like I was saying no to her. And it's a lot of times it's not about the individual, it's about the instances. The context is so telling me, whatever it may be, it doesn't matter. We have a right to say no.

00:06:48:18 - 00:07:06:10
Unknown
And that's the big lesson to me. We have a right to say no. And in doing so, you actually doing the other person a favor about being honest. What's wrong with being honest? My invitation to you is find instances in your day to day life where you're being asked to do things you really you don't want to do, just say no.

00:07:06:10 - 00:07:24:06
Unknown
I started doing that a few years ago, and I noticed that this was a thing when the feeling that I had to do things and overextending myself got to be too much, you know, I realized that it wasn't pretty. I was saying, yes, I was agreeing to all these crazy things, and I realized that I can say no.

00:07:24:06 - 00:07:41:08
Unknown
So I started to practice it and often. And what will happen in some people's opinion? You're going to become a bit of a jerk and an asshole. And you know what? I can live with that. I've actually have a reputation with a handful of people that have said to me that they know and they expect me to say no, but they still ask because I invite them to ask.

00:07:41:08 - 00:07:54:11
Unknown
I never say, don't ask me. I just say no to this particular thing. I have a friend named Eddie who has said to me in the past is like, what I really appreciate about you is that you just tell me, no, you'll just lie to me and mislead me and give me believing that you might actually do the thing that I'm asking you to do.

00:07:54:11 - 00:08:16:19
Unknown
You just straight up. And I cut my losses and move on to the next person. I appreciate that, he said. I was like, okay, great, thanks. I like to think that I'm not an asshole. I'm just being direct. But find those moments in your day to day where you could possibly just say no. And it doesn't have to be like, I've done this in tech specifically, I send to know people ask me like, hey, you have some free time.

00:08:16:20 - 00:08:33:06
Unknown
I'll just say no. And I'll usually do that with family because it gives me a little more, more wiggle room. But then I try to add a few fluffy words to make sure that the individual knows that I'm not just being an absolute jerk, and that indeed, I just know I'm busy. No, don't have time. No, I'm not interested.

00:08:33:07 - 00:08:57:18
Unknown
That's usually my go tos because it's kind of addresses. The thing is, just say no is kind of comes off as, to direct. It's going to hurt people's feelings. No, I'm not interested. Hey, are you interested in saving money? No, I hate saving money. That's actually a line I say to people at the grocery stores when they're trying to hit me up for whatever random thing, offer in the in the grocery store where I'm trying to shop.

00:08:57:18 - 00:09:12:19
Unknown
I hate that, by the way. And in the day, there's only so much time that we have available to us. We can't say yes to everything. And I think a lot of people will do that out of a sense of obligation. And at the end of the week, they find themselves stretched to then there's only so much time in the day.

00:09:13:00 - 00:09:33:15
Unknown
So say no allows us to say yes to things that really matter to us. It opens up our calendar. It allows beautiful things to bloom in our garden, as opposed to just saying yes to too many things. Say yes to the things that matter now. Leave you with this final thought from the author, Derek Silver, of whom I am a big fan of, and that is hell yes or hell no.

00:09:33:17 - 00:09:55:00
Unknown
Chances are, if you're hesitating to say yes, that means it's probably a hell no. You have to make sure to maximize your energy, optimize your energy. There's almost there's only so many hours in the day and our lives. So put it into things that you really want to be invested in, things you want to work on, non-profits, causes that you want to work on, skills, whatever it may be.

00:09:55:01 - 00:10:15:15
Unknown
Put your effort into those things and say of the things that don't matter and the love of God. Say no to people. It's okay. Be honest. Be friend. I think at least if they're decent human beings, they're not going to be offended. And they might actually thank you. Thank you for tuning in again. My name is Teevee. I appreciate your time and your life.

00:10:15:17 - 00:10:32:22
Unknown
If you enjoyed this video, then you might enjoy this one where I talk about how I was able to nurture family relationships with my my siblings as well was with my daughters by being very intentional. I talk about how I did it here, check it out and let me know what you think. Bye bye and, talk to you later.

00:10:33:00 - 00:10:33:08
Unknown
Bye bye.